Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Girlie Night (3WW)

If you've read my blog before you're likely aware that I love the Alamo Drafthouse.  A great movie theater, they frequently play old school classis (this month its The Gremlins) while still keeping up with new movies and hosting late night viewings of those highly anticipated films, that we've all been waiting for all these years...Tron...

Last night was no different.

The Wife and I went to a screening of Love Actually.  Basically an utter sappy ass movie about several couples and how they fall in love, continue to love, or suffer in exquisite anguish due to unrequited love.  Did you guys like those big word?

All in all I have to say I actually really like this movie.  It's really funny where it should be and heart warming and not super heavy with the general sense of hopelessness you get while watching a romantic movie.

That's right I said hopelessness.

To me, it seems that most romantic movies are fairly unrealistic when it comes to how people get together/stay together.  I know, I's a fucking movie, but it still seems silly.

So back the important bit...the Wife.  She loves this movie.  I mean she fucking loves it.  We watch it every Christmas (the movie is set around Christmas time) and usually when she's sick or just feeling down in general.  Now in my infinite wisdom (yes infinite dear...) I decided I'd buy some tickets early as the Drafthouse does tend to sell out for events such as this.

Again...last night was no different.

My plan was...get the tickets early (check), run late leaving the house (double check), eat dinner making us even later (triple check), arrive about 30 minutes early to find the movie sold out only to SAVE THE DAY and say "Good thing I got them last week!" followed by sex for the Monk.

Well almost everything went as expected...maybe not as planned, but certainly as expected.

As a consequence of leaving the house early the Wife got nervous about the show selling out and so she made the logical jump of insisting that we go buy our tickets before we ate dinner.  Damn it Wife.  Damn it all.  In the end she was so insistent and I couldn't come up with a decent enough excuse (I'm a terrible liar) to not go along with her plan, that I came clean and gave over the voucher for our pre-purchased tickets.

I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to save the day, but all's well that ends well I suppose.

In other news we've been dabbling in weight loss for the last few weeks.  If you'd like to check out our lean mean not so supportive crew head over to Blogging Blobs and be prepared for some mud slinging...or even poop, but that's only a sometimes thing.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Mr. Sprinkles (3WW)

As we're beginning to swing into the holiday spirit around our house, we've slowly but surely been putting up decorations and buying some new outdoor lights.  We're getting new outdoor lights because my dear retarded dog Einstein ate the last set we had outside.

That's right folks...the son of a bitch (literally in this case) ate the damn lights.

Bastard...(again, likely the case)

Anyway, the Wife (I've given up on the Translator thing...several readers have deemed her Wife instead) put up some new decorations outside, while I was reveling in the glory that is the new World of Warcraft expansion.  So around nightfall as a dutiful husband I was required to go see and applaud her effort.

While we were outside one of our neighbor's cats came up for a visit.  Though we've lived in this house for almost a year now this is the first time any of the neighborhood cats have come up to say Hai.

Let me tell you, I'm generally a dog person, but this is one cute mother fucking cat.  I mean he's got some series skills.  I reached down a little to pat him on the head a little (I love all animals after all...except hamsters, fuck hamsters) and he jumped up a little and petted his head against my hand.

Instantly I felt sorry for the little guy, like he doesn't get any loving at home, so he trolls the streets looking for a friendly pet.

So the petting continued as we were trying to make some plans for other outside decorations for the year.  I thought the little guy needed a name so I deemed him Mr. Sprinkles.

Now, I'm not one to judge...ok ok, that's bullshit.  Judging is what I do...

Anyway, I really don't love the idea of someone leaving their pet outside all the time.  Especially a cat who is totally capable of jumping the fence and escaping.  It seems pretty cruel to me, but than again any pet I've ever had has been like a member of the family.  Even the rodenty ones.

Back to the this time she's practically rocking like she's autistic of some shit and chanting to herself that "We can't feed Mr. Sprinkles."  The crafty little sucker even tried to come in the house with us when we went in.

That would have been the mistake of the day for Mr. Sprinkles.  Would have made one entertaining ass children's books though.  Something like Mr. Sprinkles Meets the Playful Retard Dogs that Don't Understand the Concept of Weight Ratios.  Yeah I think that sounds about right.

They'd have crushed him within 20 minutes.  All from innocent playing mind you.  Einstein would be either trying to mount him/her (it just dawned on me that I didn't look and Mr. Sprinkles could just as easily be Ms.) or he'd be trying to find the squeaker inside.  Franklin would likely thing he/she was a rope toy and try and break his/her neck.  All in good fun mind you.  Isn't that what your dog does?

So I hope you find safety Mr/Ms. Sprinkles.  You're a cute little son of a bitch, I don't think you'll have too many issues.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

And the Winner Is...

I'm not really sure how this happened, but Frito won with his entry of "Where the Wild Thing my pants". Totally hilarious and inappropriate.  I'll have that shirt up in the Cafe Press store along with several other entries that were very close.

Here's the full list of entries in the order that they were ranked:
  1. Where the wild things are, in my pants
  2. Where Men Find GLORY....In My Pants 
  3. Raging Inferno ....In My Pants
  4. An Inconvenient Truth ... in My Pants
  5. Take Off Your Pants and Jacket..... In My Pants
  6. Anxeity Phobias and Panic ... in My Pants
  7. Rumpelstiltskin .....In My Pants.
  8. My Father's Hands ... in My Pants
  9. It, in my pants
  10. The art of Unit Testing, in my pants
Sorry Ckrets...close, but no cigar.  

I'll let you guys tell me if we want to have a similar type of competition next year.  Thanks to those few that participated, I really appreciate the support.

Maybe next time I'll get off my fat ass and do some advertising.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

And I'm Back... (3WW)

So I haven't been posting very much lately and I'm sad to say it's got a lot less to do with my travels for the holidays and a whole lot to do with a distinct lack of motivation I've had the last couple weeks.  I've even missed Three Word Wednesday, which I really love to do every week.

Thanks again Thom.

So lets have a revival...

Since I've been gone the big things that have been happening so far as I can tell are that:

A.  Sarah Palin is on TV at least once a week in a non-news format.

B. We now have a choice of radiation poisoning or sexual assault when we go to the airport.

I don't know about you guys, but this looks like one shady motherfucker.
C.  North Korea fires on South Korea over a border dispute.

So let's start with my favorite Alaskan...other then Balto of course (can't believe you guys had to click that link).  Unfortunately I haven't had the opportunity to watch any of Mrs. Palin's reality show, but suffice it to say I'd rather not have my possible presidential candidates whoring themselves and their children out on reality television.  I mean is the women looking for a career in the White House or a career on the TV in my house?  

I'm not going to spend anymore time on Palin this week.  We've got more important things to talk about.

How about the TSA?  Which violation of privacy would you like to endure to get on an airplane?  I do understand that likely hood of getting radiation poisoning from these scanners is pretty much slim and none, with the extremely limited exposure that the average American has to the scans.  

However, based on the fact that there are some sicko's out there whacking it while looking at pictures of my junk, I'd really prefer it if they could prove that these scans are being deleted once they're examined for the purpose that they're taken.

I'm also going to take issue with the type of searches that people are going through when they opt out of the scanner.  Do we really need to feel up every Grandma and pregnant woman in that way?  Wouldn't a simple wand style medal detector be sufficient?  Maybe not, but these searches certainly seem to criminalize everyday citizens for the actions of the few.  I suppose in the grand scheme of things that's how stupid ass rules get made...thanks to stupid ass people.

Well while the TSA certainly won't cause the demise of society as we know it, Kim Jong-il might.  This crazy motherfucker is trying to start a war.

If you didn't know, North Korea (lead by Kim Jong-il) launched missiles into South Korea last week in a border dispute.  Honestly I'm not sure what the hell that means exactly, but apparently a couple miles of trackless jungle is worth the lives of innocent people...or at least it is for this crazy bastard.

I know it probably wouldn't do anything but make him into a martyr, but I really wish someone would assassinate this guy or something.  I swear I'd give a cookie for the effort.

Similarities are a little frightening here no?

Anyway, Happy Hump Day all.  

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The End is Nigh

Inappropriate my pants, is drawing to a close.

I only received 10 entries in total from 4 people.

I'm still taking entries through tonight.  So if you're entry is in before I wake up tomorrow I'll add you to the spreadsheet and you'll be in the running for an Epic T-shirt from Cafe Press.

Winners will be announced on the 7th of December.  I'll also be putting up all the other submissions just so we can all have a good laugh.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I like to screw people...over. Yeah screw them over... (Small Packages)

I was thinking about just writing some sappy shit about how I screwed my wife over by getting her to marry me, but I decided that that would be a really lame ass use of my time and yours.  Even if it's true...

Anyway, for my dear wife's blog fest we're supposed to write about a time that we screwed someone over.  This is of course done in loving memory of those Pilgrims who first screwed over the Indians upon arrival to the New World, thus setting the standard for centuries of white oppression in this country.

Good job guys!!

Anyway back to me screwing someone...rare event that it is.  The best thing I could thing of involved me screwing up my father's plan for Christmas.  That's right, 8 year old me vs. 30 something father.  At this moment I should have known that I was smarter then he was...I guess hind sight is 20/20.

So when I was 7 years old, I met my father for the first time.  That's right folks, my father abandoned my mother and I before I was born and then he magically reappeared after 7 years.

Honestly, I don't ever remember feeling like I was lacking anything.  I had my Uncle Jimmy around most of the time and he taught me the important stuff, like how to eat my cereal with a decent slurp, how to enjoy fuzzy aliens who eat cats, and most important, NUDEY MAGS.  I'm pretty sure he still doesn't know that he taught me about those.

Back to my Douche Bag father.  So, I remember that my mom talked to him on the phone for a while and then one week he showed up and I met him and I was the best man in my own parents wedding.  Later that week, we moved to southern California.  It was a pretty whirlwind kind of week for my little 7 year old mind.

So as you might guess I was a little bit bitter and angry and jealous of this invader destroying every norm that I'd ever known.  Not to mention the fact that he was slowly but surely turning my mother against me.

So along came our first Christmas as a "family".  My father, in an attempt to bond with me (or at least I assume), let me in on the secret that was my mother's Christmas present.  It was a stereo as I remember it.

So, he takes me back into their closet and uncovers what is likely the most poorly hidden gift on the face of this planet and low and behold a couple of big boxes of low end stereo equipment.

And what do you think the first thing I did was?  You're God damn right I went and told her.  I ran down the hall screaming her name and something like "Guess what that son of a bitch dad got you for Christmas!"

And so it began...a long line of me screwing him over in one way or the other and him making my life as miserable as possible.  To this day, I count that Christmas as one of the most successful offensives I ever posed against my father douche bag sperm donor.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Bitch Be Crazy (3WW)

And we're back to Sarah Palin.  This week the crazy lady is criticizing Pennsylvania schools for putting a limit on the kind of snacks that are made available to students during holiday and birthday celebrations.  If you're interested in the article, you can check it out here.

I find this terribly interesting, because it seems so asinine.  We can't teach our kids about sex, but we can feed them right into obesity and health issues?  Honestly, speaking as a diabetic and a fatty, I'd say that obesity is a significantly larger problem, than least when it comes to elementary and junior high school children.

Palin is quoted as asking "You shouldn't have been making these decisions about what you can eat at the school. Should it be the government or should it be the parents?"  Based on how the public school system works, at least in my experience, parents have very little to no knowledge of / influence on the day to day of their children's education.  Let alone their eating habits when it comes to school time.

Simply put, it is my opinion that parents are ill equipped to make the appropriate dietary decisions for their children during the day.  In other words, while the parents are away, the children will eat whatever the fuck they like.

And since children are obviously not able to make the best decisions for themselves, that leaves the schools.  

If a parent doesn't agree with how a school is being run, that parent has the option of enroll their child in another school.  I know that can cost money, but honestly what wouldn't we do to give our children the very best opportunities right?  We treasure them so dearly after all.

Anyway, Palin of course jumped to immediate action when she heard about these poor starved children and brought them all dozens of cookies.  Cause that's what we need to do right?  Undermine the tenuous  grasp on authority that our teachers fight to hold on to.  Yeah...that's how we'll empower our teachers to help us rear our children.

It seems to me as though Palin is simply waving a rude, fuck you style, gesture in the faces of a predominately Democratic state simply because they are Democratic and this serves to keep her the headlines.  

In other Palin news...if you haven't heard there's going to be an "8 week TV event" on TLC.  Should help us all get a little insight, skewed by mass media to be sure, on how the mind of Sarah Palin works and maybe (just maybe) we can figure out those awesome parenting techniques that lead to Palin becoming a Grandmother.

Monday, November 8, 2010

It's people...soylent green is people!

So this weekend I got a lesson in irony from fish.  I's not the place one would usually look for enlightenment, but I'll take it where I can get it.

The Wife and I went to the Japanese Tea Garden her in San Antonio.  If you've never been and live in the area, shame on you.  Get your ass down there ASAP and don't forget the cat food.

Yeah...I said cat food.  Apparently the koi fish that they have in the ponds of the garden are rabid fans of cat food.  Ah...sweet irony, how I've missed you.

It was actually really amazing.  We started out feeding this small group of koi over on the far right side of the pond, but as time went by the group of fish we were feeding starting getting bigger and bigger.  We looked up and we saw this long line of fish coming from the left side of the pond.  All waiting in line for their fishy version of soylent green.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Goes together like a Horse and Carriage

This I tell you can't have one without the other.

Ok...well enough singing.  So I was laying in bed with the Wife last night and I went to give her a kiss.  Not a big sloppy I-wanna-have-sex kiss...FYI, those don't work anyway...but I nice sweet little kiss and what do I get?

A push and a "Oh freaked me out!"

That's right guys, that's what lies ahead for us married Joes.  At some point you're cruising along and abruptly you realize (cause as a man you only pay attention sometimes) that all of the romance has gone out of your marriage.

Anyway...moments later the Wife declares she has an itch and so I, being the helpful fuzzy wuzzy bear husband that I am, decide to help scratch said itch and commence with trying any number of places that she usually itches.  Again I get an unexpected response:

She starts squirming around and swatting at me (swatting is a nice way to say domestic abuse) and screaming at me "STOP HELPING! STOP HELPING!"

In that moment I realized, that the romance hasn't gone out of's simply turned into laughter.

We've been together a long time the Wife and I.  We've been married 7 and a half years, not to mention the year and a half we were together before the shackles...errr rings were on our fingers and over the course of time, I think we've both been guilty of letting life get in the way of our more traditional romantic moments.

Things like work and our pets and bills are distractions that subvert that one most important kernel of truth...that we love each other.

So today, when I go home, I may be wielding a cheap bouquet of flowers and an even cheaper bottle of wine in the hopes of seducing the Wife in a more traditional way then I have in a while.  Tickling the shit out your spouse isn't the only way to be romantic after all.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

As Time Goes By

Have you ever gotten really great news and then after the initial shock of joy that you go you started to kind of feel blue about the whole thing?  Maybe not about the news, but maybe about your lack of news?

In other words...I'm talking about jealousy.  (Piss off...sometimes it's hard to be honest with yourself.)

The Wife and I decided to stop trying to not have a baby a while back...actually it was like last year.  We haven't had any luck yet, but that's not for lack of trying (wink wink).  Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm not meant to be a father, sometimes I wonder if God's divine plan doesn't include my hopes for parenthood.

As some of you may know, the Wife is an only child and both of my sisters have learning disabilities that render them basically incapable of caring for themselves (in a financial adult kind of way).  As such, it's not likely we'll have any children in our lives except the ones we have ourselves or the ones our friends decide to have.

So getting the news, of a baby from the man I consider to be one of my best friends was exciting to say the least.  He's going to be a great father and his wife a great mother, of that I am sure.  But at the same time that I felt all this excitement and joy for my friends I couldn't help but dwell on my own lack of news.

I've always been the oldest of our small tight group, but I've never felt that old truthfully.  I'm fairly immature when it comes to my desires for entertainment, but I like to think that regardless of my total lack of tact, I take care of my business and keep a roof over my wifes head and food in the fridge.  But, of late I've started to wonder if maybe we've waited too long to start trying to breach this new chapter of life.

Maybe, our choice to try and better our financial situation before we had a child was simply a pipe dream.  I mean we are better off now then we have been in the past, but can you ever really be ready financially for parenthood?  Most of the parents I know say otherwise. 

Well, enough of my pissing and moaning.  The Wife's got a doctors appointment today...hopefully she tells us all we need to do is shift everything to the left and WHAMO!  Preggers Wife.  We can only hope, though I'm not sure I know how to shift that business in any direction.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Inappropriate my pants!! Reminder

Just a reminder for you slackers out there...we've got this little contest going here at Inappropriate Remarks.

Who can come up with the best " my pants" joke?

It's really easy...simply pick the name of a book, magazine, blog, movie, etc. and add " my pants" to the end of it.  We have 3 impartial judges that will decide on the top 3.

Number 1 will receive a t-shirt with their winning submission.
Number 2 and 3 will have their t-shirts made available on the TBM CafePress page.

So lets go people...we need all submissions by November 30th.  Winners will be announced the first week of December.

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Monday Weigh In Reborn

Well folks as you may have seen I was considering bringing back the Monday Weigh In, but as it is I think we've come up with a better idea.  Several of us from the family have got it in our heads to go with a new experiment.

5 of us

I think the plan is to mock and ridicule each other into weight loss.  All in all it should be a remarkably interesting experiment.  Check it out at

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

RE: The Glee Rocky Horror Show

The Translator and I watch Glee religiously.  That's right folks...I watch a show that is generally targeted toward a younger, hotter, female demographic.  As many of you have seen I'm not hot or female and I'm not particularly young either.

But still I really enjoy this show.  Mostly for Sue Sylvester, but some of the music is quite good too.

Last night Glee did a "tribute" to The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  If you don't know what that is just stop reading now; go buy yourself a copy and educate yourself.

A rampant sadistic sex party, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is easily my favorite musical.  I mean how can you beat Meatloaf as a biker and Tim Curry as a transvestite scientist.

And really Tim's got a pair of legs that just don't quit.

The music is awesome and hilarious and raunchy all at the same time.  And if you have a theater in your area that does midnight showings then go expose yourself to the experience.  There's lots of interactivity that goes along with the movie.

Anyway...back to Glee.  WTF were they thinking?  The episode was more of a burned effigy then a tribute.  Let's start with a FEMALE Frankenfurter.  What kind of ridiculous bullshit is this?  How do you sing Sweet Transvestite when you're not even cross dressing?  And why is it we can say transvestite on TV, but we can't say transsexual?

I don't know how many of you caught Mercedes "modernized" version of the song, but I'm pretty sure there's nothing fucking sensational about Transylvania.  The whole thing sent a tremor of revulsion shoot up the back of my throat.

Now I know this may strike you all as a bit conservative of me, but who in their right mind would allow a group of high school kids to perform Rocky Horror.  I mean really...the whole damn thing is littered with sex and drug references.  It's not like children aren't exposed to these things already, but do we have to lead them to it?  Do we have to make it ok and more comfortable?  Certainly I feel like there's a vast gaping valley between allowing a child to watch a movie which is easily dismiss-able and actually emerging them to the point required to perform it.

A child's sense of propriety is fragile at best these days with the advent of sexting, internet porn (hell yeah I know I watch it too), and pop stars like Brittney Spearme and Christina Fuckmetherea, that we don't really need to push any further.

Wow...I'm kind of sounding like an old man.  Back in my day we only got porn in magazines...and we were happy to get it too.

I actually remember my first Playboy...Shannon Tweed was the playmate of the year that year.

Enough reminiscing...I'm not trying to say we should shelter our children from the realities of the world, I'm simply trying to say that there should be a balance.

Like Sue Sylvester says: "Children must know fear. Without it, they'll try Frenching grizzly bears or trying to live in Florida." if to contradict everything I've just said I'm going to shamelessly plug the little competition I'm sponsoring this month.  Please check out the Inappropriate my pants! tab up at the top for information.  We're all sure to get some laughs out of the whole thing.  We've had a few really great submissions already and I'm hoping to get lots more.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A new plan

So I've been thinking about my general approach to this whole eat/live healthy thing.  As you've seen in a few pictures now I'm kind of a fat ass.  I'm pretty much comfortable with it now, as I've been that fat kid my whole life.  However, with the prospect of parenthood on the horizon, I'd much rather be in a healthier place so that I can be an example for my future children.

Plus if I get healthy before their born I can lie to them and tell them that I've always been this way.  (Don't sneer...everyone lies to children.)

So the new plan:

Exercise: I think I plan to keep my original routine with this one.  I enjoy the 3 day a week jog and I really want to get back to it.  Softball has been a big part of the weight I've already lost, so I'm certainly going to keep doing that.  Plus I'm finally starting to not suck terribly.

Food:  This is the big one for me.  I tend to want to starve myself because the logical bit of my brain says if I don't eat I'll lose weight.  However I've been reading a bit and it seems that several small "meals" over the course of the day is a much better way to go about this whole eating healthy business.  So my plan at the moment is to add some fruit and/or veggies into my schedule at the mid point between each of my regular meals.  
  • 6:30AM - Breakfast
  • 9:30AM - Piece of Fruit
  • 11:00AM - Lunch
  • 2:30PM - Fruit or Carrots
  • 5-6PM - Dinner
  • 8PM - Small dessert.  (This will be the hard one.  I have an addiction to dessert)
Well...that's the plan.  I'll be doing updates on the Monday Weigh In again.  

Don't forget...the cake is a lie and the cube had to die for it.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Inappropriate my pants!!

Ok guys, lets have a throw down.  Who's got the funnier " my pants" joke?

The Basic Rules:

  1. You've go to fit the my pants.
  2. The book/blog/magazine you use has got to be REAL.  I'm asking that you send a link/pic for each so that I can verify.
  3. You can make 3 submissions and only 3 submission.
  4. Don't worry about being crude or rude...that's kind of the point.
  5. All submissions must be made by Tuesday November 30th.
  6. Judging will be complete by the following Tuesday December 7th.
  7. Submissions can be sent to
The Winner will receive a t-shirt via Cafe Press.  Their submission will also be available in my Cafe Press store for others to grab if they'd like.  I also plan on picking 2-3 runners up from the submissions creating shirts for them as well.  I'll also be featuring the winners blog on my blog via a shiny post.

The Judges will be Witless Exposition (my dear wife), InfoJunky (my best friend), and of course yours truly. As such none of us will be making submissions, cause that just wouldn't be fair.

This will have a permanent home as a page on the bar above.

The Return of the Monday Weigh In?

What do you guys think?  I kind of felt like the whole thing was a bit of a flop.  I didn't see many comments and only had 1 participant once and that was the Translator who I badgered into posting.

Anyone interested in the plight that is my huge ass?

Any suggestions for a more appealing format?

I'm asking all this because the Translator was kind of badgering me about it.  She seems to think that 6 weeks wasn't enough.  Truth be told she's probably right, but I figured I'd have at least one regularish buddy by then.

Let me know what you guys think.

Here's a link to a previous post if you don't know what the hell it is I'm talking about.  Interestingly enough...this post is where I was first contacted by our good buddy Sara Swears A Lot.

Don't forget...the cake is a lie and the cube had to die for it.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Apparently, I'm a "Jerkface"

Lately, the Translator and I have been talking about baby names.  No there's not a cub monk on the way...yet, but we like to be prepared and naming a kid seems like one of those important things that should be discussed.  I mean I don't want my kid getting their ass kicked through school.

So let's have a look at the names proposed by the Translator:

  • Ruby
  • Ivy
  • Zoey
  • Rosson
To be frank I basically hate all of these names for varying reasons.  I particularly don't like the name Ruby.  The Translator thinks it would be cute especially if our kid was born in the month of July (for those less informed souls the jewel that is representative of the month of July is a ruby).  She likes the idea because both of our birthdays are in July as is our anniversary.  Also, my sister's birthday falls in the month of July.  The day after mine to be exact.

Which makes July a pretty hectic month for us.  Also a pretty broke ass month too.

I kind of feel like Ivy is a little bit too close to a comic book name.  I mean there's Poison Ivy and then there's those skinamax movies with the same title.  Seems like kids live into their names and I don't want my kid to be a whore or a comic book villain or God forbid both.

Zoey is just lame...I don't like it.  I'm not really sure why.  No real strong feeling about it...I just think it's kind of a terrible name.

And finally's my understanding that this is a family name for my wife.  Though very few people apparently participate in the convention.  I just can't bring myself to name my kid something that isn't a damn name!  It is a surname yes...but it is NOT a first or middle name.

And for all the above reason I am a jerkface.  Yup...I don't like any names she's suggested.  Not a single one.  I guess maybe I am...who knows.

Either way, so far as the battle of the names is concerned I'm winning.  We've decided on some lovely names in my personal opinion.

For a girl: Virginia (my grandmother) Rachel (her mother).
For a boy: Matthew James Jr.  (I always wanted a namesake.  Not sure why...but I intend to call him Jimmy).

Anyway...this was all basically spawned because I veto'd the name she picked for one of her fictional characters.  Clara just seems like she'd be a boring character based on her name.  Maybe that's because the last Clara  I knew was a fucking idiot.

QOTD:  Planning on having children?  Have any ideas for names?  What did you think of our choices?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It's just too damn tempting (3WW)

So the Translator is/was a high school English teacher when this whole Twilight fad started.  As such she's read all of the books and we went and saw the first movie on opening weekend.  I felt like a soldier behind enemy lines.

The Twihards had me surrounded and if I made even the slightest derogatory remark about the terrible terrible (did I mention terrible?) dialog and/or the absurd story line, I knew we'd be finished.

Unlike their ideal Edward, I knew they'd rip us to shreds, because Twihards are not vegetarian vampires.

Lets just talk about that idiotic turn of phrase.  Vegetarian Vampire...based solely on this term, I know without the shadow of a doubt, that Stephanie Meyer is fucking moron.

Where was I?  Right.  Behind enemy lines...they had us surrounded.  And then Edward calls Bella a "spider monkey" and I almost lose my shit.  I'm not sure what effect they were going for with a pet name like "spider monkey".  Do you know any person of the female persuasion that wants to be referred to as any sort of monkey? either.

With my quiet snickers I've drawn the scowls of several of the enemy soldiers in the seats near us...there's more tension in the 10 feet around me then the whole of the movie that we're watching.  Fortunately, Edward comes back on the screen...or maybe Jacob took his shirt off again...and drew their attention away from me.

We were safe....for now.

On the story stumbles.  Plot holes abound, but the Twihards are not deterred.  If anything, they're more enthralled by the whole thing than a starving man looking at a free meal.  This immense pile of shit has caught the attention of the youth in the theatre and it's not letting go.

So now we come to the scene where Edward finally steps into the light and fries like the dirty stinking blood sucking villain he is....sadly that last bit is not exactly how it goes.  Instead, Edward steps out into the light and rips of his shirt to REVEAL....his shimmering bird chest.  He dramatically delivers the line "This is the skin of a killer."  and I finally lose my shit.

I start giggling uncontrollably.  The Translator is hitting me out of self preservation...some of the Twihards are starting to stair.  The gravity of the situation hits me....and I continue laughing.  If I must die it will be with a smile on my face, mocking that which I have come to loath the most.

QOTD:  Anyone else go to the opening of Twilight?  Any fans of the books?  If so, what the fuck is wrong with your brain?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

WTF Does that name mean anyway?

So...for those of you that have perhaps wondered how the hell I came to be known as "The Bear Monk", here's how the story goes.

Let me start by saying that I love love love, live music.  I fucking love it.  The press of the crowd.  The adrenaline rush of throwing crowd surfers at the security guards (yeah I'm a big guy).  And of course the music.  When a band is good live I will buy their albums and I will go to see them again.

The Translator and I have traveled 7 hours to see concerts before and I'm sure we'll do it again.

So every year, my favorite band, Flogging Molly, does a tour called the Green 17 Tour.  They always end it on St. Paddy's day and the shows are always amazing.  We've seen them like 5 or 6 times now and we have every intention of going again this February/March.

I guess it was 2 years ago, we saw the show in New Orleans at the House of Blues.

Side note:  I think the House of Blues in New Orleans, LA is my favorite venue.  It's pretty small and so even super loud shows can still be really intimate and you get to be really close to the band.  All in all I've always had a great time at HoB.

Anyway...we get to shows super early.  Like hours early, so that we can get right on that guard rail to see the band.  You see...the Translator is approximately 5 foot nothing, so it's important for us to get a good spot so that she can have a chance to see the show at all.

As part of the show, Flogging Molly will kind of do the whole "How many Irishmen do we have in the audience tonight?"  In my mind I know that in their mind everyone is "Irish" at one of their shows, but with my logical brain I didn't join in the cheering.  Technically speaking I am of a mostly German heritage.  So the lead singer, David King, notices that I'm not cheering.  And he says to me:

"If you're not Irish I don't know what the fuck you are.  Maybe some kind of Bear Monk or something?  And that can't be all bad!"

The crowd cheered and honestly...I kind of loved the idea anyway.

After all, I looked like this:

Don't we look super fuckin' happy?

So the following year, last February actually, we went to see Flogging Molly in Houston (we've recently moved to Texas), and low and behold there were a couple of guys I recognized and by God they remembered me too.  And of course they remembered me as the "Bear Monk" and told me how they'd told stories about me in the intervening time.
Me, David King, and my buddy Casey

Not long after that, I decided to start this blog and that just seemed like the name to go by.

QOTD:  How'd you come up with your blog handle?  Anyone else into live music?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

New Experiences and Old Experiences (3WW)

So last week as you all know I was in Washington D.C. on a business trip.  As much as I loath to travel, for business, I do love the opportunity I get when it comes to trying new kinds of food.  The team I work with is rather diverse and as such while we were talking about going to lunch one day someone suggested we try an Ethiopian place.  To which I responded:

Ethiopians have food?  Shouldn't we give it back?

To which I received the expected hiss of disapproval.  That's right...yet another moment in which I become the awkward individual.  How course I tried to back peddle with:

I figured Ethiopians were like Canadians and didn't really have a cultural cuisine.

But of course I am not meant to be absolved of my auditory indiscretions.  You know what though...screw those hissers and those head shakers.  That was some quality comic material.  We can laugh out loud at Starvin' Marvin on South Park, but a little one liner is frowned upon because if makes a bit of a joke about the famine in Ethiopia?

It's not like I was trying ridicule Ethiopians in any significant way.  I don't think they're lesser as a people because they're suffering from or have suffered from a famine.  I make fun of my own Irish/German heritage quite frequently.

I guess I can understand the concept of an inappropriate joke.  A joke which mocks or feeds into stereotypes that are both harmful and demeaning to a subset of people.  I get that, but the Ethiopians did have a famine.  It's not a stereotype.

Than again, maybe that's my short coming?  Maybe its too soon?

I sure wish we'd come up for a standard timeline so that I can know when it's ok to make jokes about a particular event.  I'm basically aware that 9/11 is completely off limits forever.  Than again....I can't really see any humorous angle there.  Maybe down the line something ironic will happen and I'll feel the insatiable urge to point it out and get hissed at again.

Just as an FYI...I really enjoyed the Ethiopian food.  We actually went with an Ethiopian woman from the team and she helped us order, so that I didn't blow my mouth up with spicy food.  The only thing I didn't love about it was this spongey bread/wrap stuff that comes with the food.  It kind of had a weird flavor to it...kind of sour.  Interesting texture though.

Question of the Day:  Did you know there was Ethiopian cuisine?  Have you tried it?  What did you think?

Monday, October 11, 2010

Small Packages: Scary Movies

So as a fat white nerd, I watch a lot of TV.  I mean a lot...sometimes I feel like Fry or Bender from Futurama.  And as such I really didn't think I'd have an issue with coming up with my favorite Halloween episode.  I mean I just say the Boy Meets World Halloween episode just a couple weeks ago.

And we all know and love those Treehouse of Horrors episodes of the Simpsons.

But I couldn't for the life of me point my finger on just one episode of one show from all those years of TV watching.  So, I'm going to talk about my favorite horror movie...


No really...I love zombies.  And most of all I love Romero zombies.  I think it all started with the Romero remake of Dawn of the Dead.  It's such a thoroughly complete movie that had me on the edge of my seat inside the first ten minutes.

There's something to be said for the for the power of a zombie child coming after you as you get out of bed.  I  think that first scene really hits home for me because that's the lifestyle I live.  The Translator and I are professionals, living in your generic suburban subdivision.  And in all this I can definitely see the Translator being the one to get away.

She'd abandon me in a second...even if she wouldn't admit it.

After the very tense bedroom scene...hehehe...we move on to the meat of the movie.  The shopping mall...this is where Romero's message becomes a lot more clear.  The zombies like cattle are drawn to the mall by "instinct".

Isn't it sad to think that when all your other faculties are gone, your urge to go the mall and consume will still not be sated?

Now admittedly, a mall is probably one of the best places you could hold up during the zombie revolution.

Yes...there THE zombie revolution.  Check the Bible people, it's gonna happen.

I mean lets think about it for a second, there's food in the food court, reinforced doors at all exits, surveillance, and then of course there's the entertainment.  So long as the power stays on you could play video games till to the food runs out and the zombies die of starvation.

When the Translator and I first saw this movie I was scared shitless.  I'm not even going to try to lie to you.  I had a hard time getting to sleep that night.

This one time...after Katrina hit....the wife and I were walking through the campus of the college we attended with a friend of ours.  As you might guess there was a pretty significant amount of damage on campus and the only lights around were the flash lights we had.

We'd checked out most of the campus and were heading back to our dorm (we lived in the married dorms...the 9th ring of Hell) via the path between the liberal arts building and theater building.  We get about halfway through the courtyard area and we start to hear creaking and chains rattling.

So my good friend and I...ONLY because we're both tall and have naturally longer strides...start walking faster.  Not a lot faster, just walking at what we would consider a normal gait.  The Translator...coward that she is...starts yelling at us for "abandoning" her to the zombies.

I still don't know what she's talking about...we were just walking.

Wow...this post kind of went down the rabbit hole didn't it?  What can I say...I like zombies and they've kind of permeated most aspects of my like.  Fortunately, one of them isn't my commute...yet.

To check out the other posts from the blogfest, check out the Translator's blog here.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Since When is Tolerance a Four Letter Word

With a recent bullying induced teen suicide fresh in our minds, I ask...Since when is tolerance a four letter word? Since when is privacy something you have to work at?  Since when do we have to protect our privacy from out friends?

I guess whole thing stirs two emotional buckets for me.  The tolerance and privacy buckets...while they're both really important to me, they don't generally coalesce in such a singular terrible event.

A little background for those who have no idea what I'm talking about...Basically a friend asks another friend if they can have the dorm room to themselves.  Friend2 says of course and goes to hang with his girlfriend.  Friend1 goes about his evening, without knowing that Friend2 has setup a camera in the dorm room and is streaming an intimate moment Friend1 is having across the internet.

Agreed, generally speaking this sounds like a harmless invasion of privacy yes, but for the most part harmless.  Now, what I haven't said is that Friend1 is gay and still hasn't come out.  Now of course I can't possibly fathom what it's like to keep a secret of that magnitude, but certainly this is a life altering revelation meant to be shared with family and friends in a very personal way.

Hint: When I say "in a very personal way", what I mean to say is...NOT ON THE FUCKING INTERNET.

And so, long story short, Friend1 killed themselves because he found out that Friend2 Asshole2 had been broadcasting his personal life to anyone and everyone willing to join the appropriate channel.

I won't say that Asshole2 should be charged with murder, even if he was the catalyst for the suicide I believe that we make our OWN choices and as such we should be held personally responsible for those choices.  While Asshole1 may have metaphorically put Friend1 on that ledge he certainly didn't do it physically.

While I've never felt lust for another man, I can only imagine it's an extremely confusing feeling.  With society bombarding us with two very opposing ideas, on one side people say that it's unnatural to have these feeling, while another part of society tells us that it's okay.  As a young person, at least when I was young, I know it can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that not everything society says is true.

A number of times I've heard the word tolerance spoken by individuals in the Christian community with a great deal of disdain and I have to admit I find it confusing.  According to the Bible we're to love our neighbors as ourselves.  It doesn't make a special exception for gay people.

The Bible does not say "Love your neighbors, so long as they are just like you and believe everything you do."  It just doesn't.

Sorry guys...I know that's a bitch and all.

If fact, the Bible does say, that in the eyes of God all sins are equal.

So with that in mind, why is that some people in the Christian community choose to put homosexuality on some kind of pedestal of hate.  They treat it as if its the the Superbowl or the World Series of sin.

Welcome to the inappropriate section of the post.

I don't not believe that all homosexual people are born homosexual.  I do believe that there are some people that, for whatever reason, choose homosexuality.

While I DO NOT believe that those born with the predisposition to homosexuality are sinning (I say predisposition, because I don't feel like it's a defect or a retardation, but simply a slightly different ordering of chromosomes.  Like mutants...and mutants are fuckin' cool right?).  I do believe that those choosing it are.

I don't think God would hold a genetic occurrence against one or any of His children.

And so with this endorsement for tolerance, directly from Jesus Christ himself, I pray we can all go forth and except each other for who we are and what we bring to life and not exclude those that live a different lifestyle from our own.

I promise, there are homosexual Christians out there and I'm sure they don't appreciate being made to look like ignorant bigots.

And with the sheen of sweat upon my brow, I will step down from my digital soapbox and go forth and tolerate.  And I'm gonna try real hard to not peek in windows and stuff.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I Hate Flying

I never...I mean fucking never....have good luck when it comes to flying.  I'm always that guy that's got the delay or has to go to another gate or whatever the hell else you can think of.

I mean one time I had a delayed connection because the flight attendants that were supposed to be servicing the flight were late.  I mean seriously...the don't have some flight attendants on call?  I'm honestly not really sure what goes into setting up the complex schedule of a flight attendants and flights in general, but I realize that logically there should be a backup plan when shit goes wrong.

BTW...Waiting, is not a fucking back up plan.

So today I find myself with an hour and a half delay which will of course cause me to miss my connecting flight and so I have to wait in the line.  The line which is quickly beginning to resemble a lynch mob heading toward Frankenstein Castle.

But not me...I'm keeping my cool.  These ladies can't control the what's going on with the airline and so I keep the diatribe I have prepared, to myself.  

Side note: Just heard "...just sunk a clutch birdie." concerning the golf game on TV right now.  There is nothing fucking clutch about golf.  I mean maybe it was important for his game but the word "clutch" to me denotes some urgency and so far as I can tell golf is basically the least urgent game there is, with the possible exception of Battleship.

Anyway...enough of my golf hate.  Back to the airport...the abysmal airport.  So here I sit...stewing.  Knowing that I could have slept that much longer.  Knowing that I could have played with my dog that much longer.  Instead I'm stuck here alone with my laptop and a half decent, grease ball, cheese burger, listening to the rednecks next to me go on about some bimbo that lives across the street from them.

If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times I hate flying...and damn the government for forcing me to do it as frequently as I have to.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Bloggerstock: Do-overs

Today we've got the lovely Sara hijacking my blog via Bloggerstock.  Honestly, I don't know of a woman who or more fascinated with Vah-jay-jays, without being a lesbian.  Maybe Georgia O'Keefe...maybe (link provided for those less cultured individuals).  Anyway Sara's got a great sense of humor and she's definitely got this Howard Stern thing going for not that "skinny creepy asshole" thing...the "what's she gonna say next" thing.  In any case...I highly recommend you all start stalking her, like I and night.

In a bush outside her window....I'll kill that Andy guy to keep her for myself...kidding kidding.  Mostly.

Here's Sara's post, if you like it, if you don't, check here out at Sara Swears A Lot.  You can also check out my post over at Slightly Disappointing.


I've done Bloggerstock once before and was fucked in the ass by my swap buddies who decided not to participate, but this year I have two awesome people who are down for Saratown, ifyagetwhatimsayin. So what's Bloggerstock? Since Bret has made me explain it to THREE ZILLION EFFING PEOPLE, I'm going to let the website explain itself. Clickity click hiz-ere ( if you want to participate next month. (And you should because I'll be doing it, and it's funsies all around.) Also, if you want to check out Kelly Marie's post, she's on my blog today. And if you like what you see here (bowchicawowow), come visit me at Sara Swears a Lot!(

This month's topic is Do-Over AKA anything we want that can possibly relate back to a Do-Over of some sort. There are so many ways I could go with this post. Wearing Doc Martins with my sweatsuit? Cutting my hair up to my ears when I already looked like a little boy with my fat face and lack of boobs? Asking my third grade teacher if they had cars when she was a little girl? (What? The bitch was old as shit. She looked like the fucking crypt keeper, all right?)

So with so many options, what did I finally settle on?

I decided to go all out, balls out and tell a story that I said I would never tell on my blog. But I think now it's fair game since this isn't my blog, right? Right. Moving forward...

As I've written before, Andy and I met at work. He still works there which explains why I can't write about this at my own place. When I first started working for this company, I knew that it was a family-owned business. I'd never worked in an office before, and I had no clue that family-owned businesses were either one of two things:  Really fucking awesome and fun to work for OR a miserable, shitty ass place where people get ahead based on their last name.

Guess which one it was?

So the person who owns the company is a man who is SO FUCKING OLD, he could rival my third grade teacher in a Tales From the Crypt host-lookalike-show. (I wasn't even allowed to watch that show for years. No wonder I keep referencing it.) His daughter "worked" there as well. And by worked, I mean she showed up at 11:00, had coffee and chatted until noon, went to lunch for an hour and a half to two hours, came back to the office for about an hour and then left for the day to "run errands". Every. Goddamn. Day.

Not only did I have to deal with his annoying ass daughter, I was also stuck dealing with his even more annoying ass granddaughter. (We'll call her Krystal.) She was doing a work program through her high school that let her go to school half a day and spend the other half at the office with us. Oh, joy!

She was also a very hard "worker" just like her mama. Also, they CONSTANTLY called each other "guh". No. I am not fucking kidding. It was like this:

"Hey, guh, do you want me to pick up a sandwich for you when I go on my 120-minute lunch?"
"No, guh, I don't eat because I'm a high school girl."
"Okay, see you when I get back, guh."


I wanted to stab my motherfucking face every time I heard them say that word. They also liked using the phrase G.N.O. when they were going to the movies together. As in, Girl's Night Out? As in a Hannah Montana song?

For the love of all that is holy....


So Krystal's "job" at work was pretty much nothing. Her teacher had to come by once to check on her and see what the office was like. The teacher told Krystal that she needed to be answering the phones because it was part of the program or something.

This bitch NEVER answered the phone. I was the administrative assistant so I answered the phone all day long. She was at work for two hours most days and refused to EVER pick up the goddamn phone. Even if I had to sprint across the office, dive over a filing cabinet, stop a speeding bullet with my hand, and perform the helicopter without a penis, that bitch would STILL. NOT. ANSWER. THE. GODDAMN. PHONE.

Or, my personal favorite, riiiiiight after I caught the bullet with my teeth, did a James Bond roll, and had my hand on the fucking receiver, she would pick up. Bitch.

There was one particular day when the madness started. I hated their entire family with a passion, and my protected twitter updates were there to prove it. The only person I worked with that could see my twitter was my best friend and boss at the time. (We'll call her Margie.) I think you can see where this is heading...

One day, Margie was out of the office which meant that I would have to take a 1:00 to 2:00 lunch to cover the phones from 12:00 to 1:00 when everyone else was gone. Andy was working that day for the first time in months (he was on night shift for a while), and I wanted to go to lunch with him since we never had the chance.

"Hey Krystal, do you have any plans for lunch?"
"Um, yeah, I think so."
"Oh, really? What are you doing?"
"Going to lunch with my mom."
"Okay, well, nevermind then."

Ten seconds later, Krystal's mom walks by my desk and I say, "Hey, so where are you and Krystal going for lunch?" She looked confused and said, "Oh, we aren't going to lunch together today. I have some errands to run."


The little whore lied to me! Because she KNEW I wanted to go to lunch with my boyfriend! And she always tried to flirt with him to make me jealous even though she was the size of a toothpick and seriously, sweetie? My man likes WOMEN, not little girls, but whatevs.

So I kind of pulled an immature move at that point because I was furious. I went to myspace and wrote something along the lines of....

"Little girls who don't do any work need to go home and stop annoying everyone else."

Perfect, no?

I deleted it less than two hours later because I realized how stupid it was and moved on.

The next morning, Krystal's mom walks by my desk and throws a piece of paper at me. It's a printout of my myspace status. Apparently the little bitch had to run tattle to her mommy on the mean girl at work. *sniffle*

She said, "If you aren't happy here, maybe you should leave."


I didn't go to work the following day because I decided it would be smart to fill out applications since I had a pretty good feeling I was going to be fired for a stupid myspace status that didn't even mention any names.

Now do you remember me mentioning my protected twitter updates? Which means nobody could see my tweets unless I approved them. Well, my dear friend Margie decided to pull it up, print it out, and give it to Satan's mother. Some of my favorite tweets said the following:

The woman I HATE at work just cut part of my pencil skirt saying that's how it's supposed to look. BITCH.

This little bitch at work is about to get some serious hate staring from me.

Miley Cyrus-wannabe Cunt thinks she's cute flirting with my boyfriend. Sorry, Cuntface, but he's fucking ME, not you.

As you can see, I like to keep it classy.

So after all that, I came in the following day and was fired by the old man who owns the place even though he had no clue what was going on because he was like 3,000 years old. Which ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me.

So if I could do it all over, what would I do differently?


I would have called her a cunt to her face.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Now for something completely different (3WW)

The last couple of weeks I've written my 3WW on some political figure or the other and frankly I'm tired of it.  Ok...not really, but I feel like I need to change it up every now and again to keep things fresh. And maybe...just maybe even get the chance about something fun instead of something frustrating.

So let's dig right in with my video game addiction.

I'm pretty fuckin' stoked about the new DC Universe Online.  I mean when I first watched the trailer for this shiney new flavor of MMO, I could feel the imminent nerdgasim building in my nether regions.  Oh yes...a nerdgasim all up on my TV.  That might have been a little bit too much information.

I kind of feel like I'm channeling my new friend over at Sarawearsalot.  But on the bright side...I'm not talking about vagina's.  I think I'll leave that to her as I am most assuredly not an authority on the subject.  Being a married man and all.

Anyway back to the nerdgasim.  This game looks like some kind of wonderful amalgamation of a platformer and a traditional MMORPG.  On top of all this a player you get to interact with major characters in the DC Universe.

That means Superman...FUCKING SUPERMAN.  Oh...and that scrub Batman too.  Enough said.

Another November release worth mentioning is Assassin's Creed Brotherhood.  I don't know how many of you out there played the Assassin's Creed games, but if you haven't you should definitely give them a try.  All around entertaining games.  I'd have to say skip the first one as they just didn't make it that well and it's down right boring at times, but get some Cliffs Notes on it and run to your nearest Game Stop and grab a copy of Assassin's Creed II.

In a word it's FUCKING AWESOME.

Probably the best game I've played on my PS3.  I actually beat it a month or two ago and I still pick it up from time to time to take on a contract killing or search for some treasure I missed.  There's nothing quite like walking up behind a couple of guards and stabbing them in the throat with your spring loaded wrist knives and then blending in with a group of hookers to get away.

The new Assassin's Creed looks like it will continue the awesome with a new multi-player feature that pits assassins against other assassins in races to a target as well as a Vs mode where each assassin is the target of the other.

Never underestimate the value of the opportunity to assassinate your friends, your family, and even your significant other....Better watch your back dear.  I promise I won't tamper with your controller to make it more difficult for you to play....I swear.

I'm a good husband...and I do not pursue my wife relentlessly through make believe electronic worlds seeking only the taste of her blood.  Really...

So come November I may become a little scarce as I attempt to engulf myself in these cool new games.  And maybe...just maybe try to assassinate the Translator without her knowing.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Monday Randomness

Well...I figured there wasn't any point in trying to fake a post this week.  I haven't gone on a jog in almost 3 weeks now and I'm feeling pretty guilty about it, not guilty enough to do it mind you...but pretty fucking guilty.

Anyway I thought I'd throw a song out at you guys.  I usually wouldn't be caught dead listening to R&B these days, but I have to admit, I have a lot of respect for Cee Lo Green.  This is just a great song and the man's got a voice.  I think the lyrics really hit home too

In other news...The Translator is sponsoring a blog-fest, ring, orgy, thing.  It's for those of us who are shy a few hundred followers...I think the PC term is follower challenged.  Check out her blog for more information. I know I'll be joining and all comers (that have fewer then 150 followers) are welcome.  Tell your friends, tell your family....seriously, I'll find you, tell them!

I'm going to make an effort to get back on track for next Monday.  And who knows...maybe for the first time I'll have someone do it with me.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Lets talk about boobs!

As you may or may not know I am a huge fan of the breasts...I love 'em!!  Without question they are my favorite part of the female form.

If breast cancer kills 50,000 women in a year, that comes to 100,000 breasts!!  100,000 fewer breasts in the world.  It's a horrifying thought.  And as such, I hate breast cancer.

That's right...I'm taking  a stand here and now and saying it loud and proud.


Seriously though, breast cancer is a devastating decease that affects and/or kills literally hundreds of thousands of women every year.  Even if a patient is lucky enough to survive through early detection and surgery, their lives are altered irrevocably.  Other parts of cancer treatments will effect the lives of these women right down to their most basic functions in their daily lives.  For instance,  chemotherapy can cause extreme sensitivity to hot and cold, making if difficult to even have a cold glass of water.

Earlier this year we lost my mother in-law to cancer.  Granted not breast cancer, but I know what these treatments look like and I know how they can take a toll, not just on the patient but on the family as well.  Please support my friend Prathibha Shankar as she attempts to make a difference and participates in a 60 mile, 3 day, walk for the cure, sponsored by the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

Every cent counts, if you can't give a lot, give a little.  Help Prathibha make a difference.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Christine O'Donnell...worthy of electing? (3WW)

Honestly I don't really think so, I find her general opinions to be far too extremist for my personal tastes.  The woman has managed to take advantage of this whole Sarah Palin hoopla and has emerged from the shroud of obscurity with a surprising gait.  However, I will not begrudge the woman some financial woes and certainly I don't have any issue with her dabbling in "witchcraft" as a kid.

Lets start with her financial woes.  It is alleged that she had some issues with paying the bills when it came to school.  In fact, well maybe not fact I'm not sure, but apparently they even withheld her degree until she was able to pay off the debt she owed them.

Now if you've gone to college and your mommy and daddy didn't pay for it, you'll already know that this is par for the course.  My question to you the audience is do we judge a persons ability to lead based on a relatively short time in her life when we're all having money troubles and we're all trying to adjust to a new phase of our lives?  I should hope not, otherwise we might need to go back and reevaluate our own ability to lead our families. lets talk about "witchcraft" for a second.

Generally speaking I grew up with a Catholic background and as anyone will tell you, as a catholic youth if you don't start doing drugs you probably have messed with a Ouija board.  Is this technically witchcraft?  Yep.  Do any of us really take this stupid, childish, bullshit seriously?  Of course not...unless you're fucking ripened retard and think you're some kind of greater being, but that is a whole other issue.

If we didn't take the use of a simple Ouija board seriously as teenagers when we were all doing it, than why should we now?

Even if this woman was a full fledged Wiccen would it affect her ability to lead?  Probably not (granted I don't know a hell of a lot about Wicca as a belief system).

Anyway what I'm trying to say is...FUCK YOU mass media.  People of both sides of the fence are slinging mud at this woman and it's simply ridiculous.  If you're going to call her out on something why not her stance on masturbation?

Just as an aside can you remain abstinent and NOT masturbate?  Seriously?  People got needs.

Or perhaps the allegation that she's falsified where she went to college in the past?  Shouldn't this be a much more worrisome issue?  Certainly more worrisome then a poor college student who can't pay their bills.

Lets not cave into the media on this one people.  If we're going to object to Ms. O'Donnell, lets do it on a valid basis and not some allegations that are, whether they're true or not, bullshit to the core.  Lets nudge the process in the right direction.  Judge with your brain and not with your...ya know I don't know what else you could logically judge with, but seriously lets think about this before we start flaming.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Monday Weigh In #6

Weight Loss for the Weak! ( Don't feel obligated to post your weight just how much you've lost )
I've lost 0 pounds.  Putting me at 278!  Ugh...not a great week for me concerning workouts.

Struggles and Victories of the Weak!
I'm going to blame myself for this one.  Monday I don't feel too bad about missing as we did a pretty significant amount of walking over the weekend, but Wednesday laziness overcame me and I only went to softball practice.  At least I got a little exercise.  This week will be different.  I'm getting back on track today.  Hopefully the rain holds off and I can get out to the park for my run.

How can I improve?
Determination...all too frequently I just don't feel like going for a jog.  It's really difficult for me with so many other things I could be doing with my time.  With the Translator working one of her temp jobs this week I feel kind of bad heading off for a run as soon as she gets in and then there's the sweet siren call of my couch and my PS3.  How do you beat the temptation to sit on your ass and do nothing?

Don't forget...the cake is a lie and the cube had to die for it.  Until next time.