Tuesday, March 30, 2010

iPad...not just another feminine hygiene product.

So as a person who works in the technology industry I feel that I'm obligated to make some kind of comment on the fast approaching Apple iPad.

I feel that the comparison of the iPad to a sanitary napkin is fair and...dare I say surprisingly accurate.  I feel like iPad is to iPod Touch as sanitary napkin is to tampon.  The tampon services exactly the same purpose and it's smaller then a sanitary napkin.  The sanitary napkin may be deemed more effective then the tampon by some but, that's basically an opinion at best.  The same conclusion can be drawn when considering the iPad versus the iPod Touch.

WTF Apple?!

First of all...I want the name of the man (yes the man...for only a man could come up with this kind of idea) who came up with the design for this thing. The idea that basically making something bigger in order to make it new and better is simply ridiculous.

Imagine if you will, there was a board meeting full of men (again...yes men) that were trying to decide what other kind of "new" product the company could develop.  One man suggests that they try to make make a computer that would allow it's owner to replace and upgrade components independent of the company's support system.  Of course, this is follow with uproarious laughter and mockery.  The abashed man leaves the room mumbling something about "...and they say Microsoft tries to control the world."  Soon after, the fat guy sitting in the corner with his hands down his pants, suggests that they simple enlarge the iPod Touch and slap a new name on it.

Everything is instantly made better when it's BIGGER!! Right?!?

Unfortunately, based on the hype of the upcoming iPad, bigger is indeed better.

Yay for duplicate technology!!!

But wait a second...I thought generally speaking technology was currently striving to make things smaller and more powerful at the same time? No?  Apple must be right...after all, they are APPLE.  What could they do that's wrong?  I mean who are we as the consumer to question their censorship of their app store or the fact that their apps can only be developed on other Apple products?  We are but the blind teaming masses yearning to get our grubby little hands on the latest "new" thing.

I'm not really sure how this is supposed to be such a huge breakthrough in technology as they're simply recreating existing functionality in a larger format.  So you'd think that implementing technology that already exists on such a small scale would be pretty easy to implement on a larger scale, right?  Why wouldn't a company like Apple take this opportunity to implement some new hardware?  Maybe a camera?  Maybe some extra memory? Maybe some cool new feature that hasn't previously been thought of?

And on top of all of that...where am I going to get a pocket big enough to fit this thing in?  I fear that the far reaching influence that Apple seems to have these days will spawn some sub-trend in fashion that actually does provide pants with huge pockets but that's not all.  No, the pocket will be right in the middle of the pants.  That way we can more easily understand exactly why a man has purchased this compensatory item.  And as absurd as this sounds now, I guarantee that there will be people out there buying those crazy pants and swearing they don't know how they functioned before.

When the iPad was announced I remember seeing an "On the street" interview segment on the news.  One of the passersby related to the reporter that they'd be getting an iPad strictly because Apple products were trendy and they didn't want to be the only person without one.  Next thing you know they'll be advertising the new iPad with wings or the iPad with extra absorption power.  And after a couple years of Apple will decide that we want a smaller device again and they'll make an announcement about the new iTampon and our hearts will go all aflutter again.

Is this what our technology "needs" have come to?  I mean I'll admit that the whole touch screen, palm, personal computers are extremely cool, but are we really spending $500-$600 to stay trendy?  Have pissing contests really become that integral to our society?

I'm sticking to my Droid.  It has all the same basic functions as the iPad and besides that it's super small and fits easily into the pockets of the pants I already have.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Health Care Reform...any opinions?

Yeah...so this post isn't really about the recent health care reform legislation, so much as it's about what it helps to illustrate about the current state of the news media.

While I'm completely aware that news outlets are indeed businesses and as such they will do what they have to in order to keep ratings up and advertising money coming in.  However, in my efforts to make an informed decision about the health care plan, I found myself bombarded with opinion after opinion and analysis after analysis.

While I can enjoy and respect the views of others, I'd rather not form my own opinion based on the opinions of others.  Also, lets be honest, "analysis" is simply an educated opinion as opposed to an emotional opinion.

WTF Corporate Media...where are the facts?!?

Why the hell can't I find a simple list of the things that are included in the health care legislation or any other legislation for that matter?

I'm not sure what it will take to get our news media back to it's previous glory.  It's currently an arrant land fraught with puff pieces and political/economic commentary, where we seldom find an oasis of truth.  These oases are becoming ever harder to find. Please CNN, Fox News, and yes even you local news outlets, we're thirsty for the truth and frankly we don't give a damn what you think we want to make up our own minds.  Is it asking so much to be allowed to make up our own minds based on simple plain facts? Apparently it is, but by God I'm going to keep asking.

Like that dirty little thief Oliver Twist once asked..."Please sir, may I have some more?"

Friday, March 26, 2010

I am what am and that's all that I am.

As any of my friends will tell you I am the most likely person to make an inappropriate remark in any given situation and most times I don't realize it until it's already escaped my mouth. I've never really had a sense of tact until my wife started pointing it out with the back of her hand on the backside of my head. I rarely intend to hurt feelings or make people feel uncomfortable and yet I seem to have a gift for it.

So, by my thinking, if I can perhaps get some of these inappropriate remarks out of me through another outlet maybe I can keep myself from blurting out how I think that John McCain would have turned into a warmonger while standing on stage at the Republican national convention.

On that note...WTF Sarah Palin?

How do you expect to maintain any sort of credibility now that you've signed a deal to have your own reality show?

Haven't you been paying attention?

While most reality shows will definitely get you noticed, it's rarely in a good light. I mean the whole pit bull with lipstick reference was idiotic enough, but now you choose to make what could possibly be the dumbest decision in political history. I mean Clinton cheated on his wife and didn't get ridiculed as much as I expect you will. Either way...I appreciate your efforts to keep comedians employed and for the sheer entertainment value that you'll offer your viewers at your own expense. I'll be sure to TiVo "The Soup" and "The Dish" as I'm sure there's no way I could possibly stomach actually viewing your show for more then 30-40 seconds at a time.