But Bear, you say, why the fuck would we listen to an old married man such as yourself?
Because the reason I'm still happily married, the reason the Wife is still happily married, is because over the years I've realized that a relationship requires work.
A lot of that work takes the form of date like situations.
No really...imagine going to dinner with someone that you've known for years and that you talk to a majority of the day and still come up with something to talk about that's not related to something stressful like work or bills. It hard.
It's really fucking hard.
So when I hear about some singles having dating woes I have a very difficult time taking those woes seriously.
I'll admit this post if mostly inspired by Lilly over at A Pre-Life Crisis. She's a pretty fun blogger. I really enjoy to read the point of view she has concerning dating, mostly because she's a girl.
Lilly's been having issues with men of late...most of them have been just plain old dick holes to her.
As with marriage dating is work too. Maybe equating dating to work isn't really the best way to put it, but damn it work is all I know these days.
Now Lilly's major issue up to this point has been that she apparently attracts a bunch of lazy assholes who can only be bothered to pursue a relationship with her when/if their schedule allows. Does that about cover it Lilly?
In my experience, when a man really wants something, be it a girl or a job or a PB& J sammich, he's a pretty focused force.
Most men I know, granted mostly hairy ugly ass nerds, are very task oriented creatures. They like a girl and they call her, or text her, or IM her, or show up to her house like a crazy stalker.
Ok maybe not that stalker bit...but it's usually pretty damn clear to everyone involved that their interested. I'd wager that, if the Wife was asked, she'd pretty much be able to say yes or no to my general interest in her right from the get go.
We're single minded creatures ladies...we're not prone to the games...at least not the ones of us that are worth bothering with. So ask yourself...is your current man friend calling you every day? Texting you random shit that is basically meaningless fairly regularly?
I know for me, during our courting period I'd have done just about anything to be around the Wife. Just to feel connected to her via phone or internet or what have you, was enough for me when I couldn't be physically next to her.
Maybe I'm the exception...but a good relationship comes with a certain level of dedication on the man's part. If you think he's playing games with you, you're probably wrong. Again, we're fairly simple creatures. We just want to feel close to you (if we're actually into you).
Lets take a couple of examples from Lilly's recent past.
The Lawyer...clearly this guy wasn't serious. The first sign being that he lived in an entirely separate city.
I won't say that long distant relationships are impossible...but with no prior relationship to lean on...they simply are impossible. How can one expect to build a relationship with a person they can never see and really don't know anything about on a day to day type basis? Weekends are all good, but what's he like on a Tuesday? You'll never know till you leave near him and can see him on a regular basis on Tuesday.
HS Boy...I'll be honest. I thought Lilly may have really found something here. He seemed appropriately single minded in his pursuit of her. Some ridiculous mistakes were made and than the bombshell of a lie. That's right folks...excluding the truth is equivalent to lying. Who knows...maybe he was confused as to what priorities he wanted in life.
Anyway...I think I've rambled enough. As the Wife would say I've shown my big brother colors quite enough.
Lilly, I think you're on the right track having read your last post. If he's not constantly trying to communicate, than it's likely you've got another scrub on your hands. May I recommend a slightly less attractive nerdy guy? We generally make gobs of money and we're a highly dedicated bunch.