tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16569182762928725332024-02-19T10:28:23.650-06:00Inappropriate RemarksWTF is going on today? And what I think about it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.comBlogger65125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-14766317515926605152011-05-02T09:02:00.001-05:002011-05-02T09:11:28.232-05:00Ding Dong the Witch is Dead....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J2OWv9GhA0Y/Tb6Q9HgANBI/AAAAAAAABJQ/K13rZsnu0hk/s1600/Screen+shot+2011-05-02+at+7.08.47+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="204" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J2OWv9GhA0Y/Tb6Q9HgANBI/AAAAAAAABJQ/K13rZsnu0hk/s320/Screen+shot+2011-05-02+at+7.08.47+AM.png" width="320" /></a></div>Which old witch? The terrorist Witch!!<br />
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That's right folks, you heard it here first...ok maybe more like 47th...Osama bin Laden is one dead motherfucker. The whole thing does kind of spin a few questions in my head though.<br />
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Based on where they found/killed him (in a compound located in a city near the capital of Pakistan), it seems clear (or at least a fairly safe assumption) that the Pakistan government knew where he was. I may be out of the loop on this one, but I was pretty sure they were our allies. So based on those assumptions, why did they not tell us? Will this throw us into a new war in Pakistan? Is a war of retribution the right thing for us to do?<br />
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Honestly with us battling on so many fronts, I kind of hope that we just take our bin Laden victory and come home.<br />
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Secondly, is better that we killed him, effectively making him a martyr for his movement? Would it not have been better to let him die of natural causes, to avoid that idolatry? I can definitely see the merit in morale alone in killing him, but is that the most important thing to think about in the long run?<br />
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Finally, does the end of the man hunt mean that we can finally bring our men and women home from Afghanistan? I'm probably pretty out of the loop on this one too, but I was pretty sure the whole reason we were over there was to look for bin Laden. I'm aware that other things have happened in that time and likely we'll have a military presence in Afghanistan for a long time to come, but with bin Laden dead shouldn't we be able to bring home the vast majority of our troops?<br />
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A lot of questions today...<br />
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On a more humorous note...on NPR this morning I heard a somewhat funny interview. The interviewee was a man of Islamic/Muslim (I'll not try to lie here...I'm not 100% sure of the difference) credence and he was talking about how happy the greater Muslim and Islamic communities are that bin Laden has finally been brought down. I guess its universally true that, we all want that asshole that makes the rest of us look bad to get shot in the face.<br />
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Keeping with that chain of thought I'd like to send out a big Fuck You to those ever present assholes over at Westboro Baptist Church. Way to fuck it up for the rest of us...<br />
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Assholes!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-58788146371832466162011-04-11T10:20:00.001-05:002011-04-21T11:24:00.338-05:00Dating, Stalking...What's the difference?I've been married a long time. A really long time statistically speaking. And I married young. Against all odds and defying all statistics I'm happy. So based on my limited experience I'm now going to attempt to write a post about something I've done very little of and what little I've done I'm sure was fairly pathetic.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>But Bear, you say, why the fuck would we listen to an old married man such as yourself? </div><div><br />
</div><div>Because the reason I'm still happily married, the reason the Wife is still happily married, is because over the years I've realized that a relationship requires work. </div><div><br />
</div><div>A lot of that work takes the form of date like situations.</div><div><br />
</div><div>No really...imagine going to dinner with someone that you've known for years and that you talk to a majority of the day and still come up with something to talk about that's not related to something stressful like work or bills. It hard.</div><div><br />
</div><div>It's really fucking hard.</div><div><br />
</div><div>So when I hear about some singles having dating woes I have a very difficult time taking those woes seriously. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I'll admit this post if mostly inspired by Lilly over at <a href="http://www.aprelifecrisis.com/">A Pre-Life Crisis</a>. She's a pretty fun blogger. I really enjoy to read the point of view she has concerning dating, mostly because she's a girl.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Lilly's been having issues with men of late...most of them have been just plain old dick holes to her.</div><div><br />
</div><div>As with marriage dating is work too. Maybe equating dating to work isn't really the best way to put it, but damn it work is all I know these days.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Now Lilly's major issue up to this point has been that she apparently attracts a bunch of lazy assholes who can only be bothered to pursue a relationship with her when/if their schedule allows. Does that about cover it Lilly?</div><div><br />
</div><div>In my experience, when a man really wants something, be it a girl or a job or a PB& J sammich, he's a pretty focused force.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Most men I know, granted mostly hairy ugly ass nerds, are very task oriented creatures. They like a girl and they call her, or text her, or IM her, or show up to her house like a crazy stalker.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Ok maybe not that stalker bit...but it's usually pretty damn clear to everyone involved that their interested. I'd wager that, if the Wife was asked, she'd pretty much be able to say yes or no to my general interest in her right from the get go.</div><div><br />
</div><div>We're single minded creatures ladies...we're not prone to the games...at least not the ones of us that are worth bothering with. So ask yourself...is your current man friend calling you every day? Texting you random shit that is basically meaningless fairly regularly?</div><div><br />
</div><div>I know for me, during our courting period I'd have done just about anything to be around the Wife. Just to feel connected to her via phone or internet or what have you, was enough for me when I couldn't be physically next to her.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Maybe I'm the exception...but a good relationship comes with a certain level of dedication on the man's part. If you think he's playing games with you, you're probably wrong. Again, we're fairly simple creatures. We just want to feel close to you (if we're actually into you).</div><div><br />
</div><div>Lets take a couple of examples from Lilly's recent past.</div><div><br />
</div><div>The Lawyer...clearly this guy wasn't serious. The first sign being that he lived in an entirely separate city.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I won't say that long distant relationships are impossible...but with no prior relationship to lean on...they simply are impossible. How can one expect to build a relationship with a person they can never see and really don't know anything about on a day to day type basis? Weekends are all good, but what's he like on a Tuesday? You'll never know till you leave near him and can see him on a regular basis on Tuesday.</div><div><br />
</div><div>HS Boy...I'll be honest. I thought Lilly may have really found something here. He seemed appropriately single minded in his pursuit of her. Some ridiculous mistakes were made and than the bombshell of a lie. That's right folks...excluding the truth is equivalent to lying. Who knows...maybe he was confused as to what priorities he wanted in life.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Anyway...I think I've rambled enough. As the Wife would say I've shown my big brother colors quite enough.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Lilly, I think you're on the right track having read your last post. If he's not constantly trying to communicate, than it's likely you've got another scrub on your hands. May I recommend a slightly less attractive nerdy guy? We generally make gobs of money and we're a highly dedicated bunch.</div><div><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-10868439223341704622011-03-18T16:19:00.001-05:002011-03-21T09:48:29.128-05:00Comic Book Meet MMOSo I know it's been a long ass time since I've posted and that's largely because my responsibilities at work have increased (of course my pay has not) and frankly I've been too busy with life in general to find the time to write about.<br />
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Today I find myself with a free moment and as such I figured I'd fill you folks in on what is I've been doing with my limited spare time instead of attempting to entertain you all.<br />
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DC Universe Online.<br />
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All I can say about this game is...HOLY SHIT AWESOMESAUCE. Ok...that's not all I'll say, but it is a pretty bad ass game.<br />
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As most of you are probably aware I've been playing World of Warcraft for a really long as time. Like really...a long long long ass time. <br />
<br />
Like 5 damn years.<br />
<br />
Other then my wife...I've never had a relationship that lasted that long. That actually makes me feel like a fucking loser. Oh well...<br />
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Anyway...new game...super awesome.<br />
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So far I've got to say I'm really enjoying the play style of the game. It's much more dynamic and engaging then I ever found WoW.<br />
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First of all there's no such thing as auto attack...that's right its very button mashy. Imagine if you will...God of War meets DC comics and slap a little MMORPG in there for good measure. That's my best attempt at describing the game.<br />
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So basically the dynamic is that you have weapons...there's a variety of them and you can pick whichever you want...and you basically whack the shit out of villains (or heroes) and you basically try to do Combo's. The higher your combo counter goes the more Power you get back. You use Power on your Special Powers. There are 6 types of powers. Each set of powers has 2 specializations both of which offer both DPS and other (tank, healer, controller) benefits. <br />
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That's right folks...everyone can DPS.<br />
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Even healers.<br />
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In fact its basically mandatory...in order for a healer to continue healing they need to get their power back via hit combos...like I said...Bad Ass.<br />
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I've really enjoyed the game so far...I'm up to level 21 and I've had a consistently awesome time playing.<br />
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Most of the questing is similar to what you'd find in most other MMO's...go here and kill X number of guys or collect X number of objects etc, but with the button mashy nature of the game it's still really engaging. Not to mention the fact that you're fighting NPC's that can actually kick your ass.<br />
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One thing I find is that there is a definitive tendency for the mobs to swarm you and crush you. But it doesn't feel like such a huge deal to die. Really it just feels like you need to approach that pull in a different way or formulate a better strategy. Like pulling them off to the side.<br />
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Another thing I like is that it's a lot more 1 player friendly then a lot of MMO's out there. There are even single player dungeons or instances. These single player instances are later amped up a little to be a challenge for 2 players at the level cap and they're called duo's. <br />
<br />
So in fact you can still do dungeon crawls with your friends if you want in groups of 2, 4, or 8. 8 being a raid. I know this is really WoWish with the 4 and 8 player dungeons, however DCUO has actually implemented a queuing system that works.<br />
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I'm also really fond of the idea of a 2 player dungeon. Especially since my dear wife is playing along with me.<br />
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Well folks...it's quiting time here and I'm heading home to play some more DCUO. If you're interested you can look me up in DCUO on Brave New World/Hero by the name of Azario.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-31699609758391298062011-01-26T15:28:00.000-06:002011-01-26T15:28:33.886-06:00The UrgeI haven't really felt the urge to blog these last few weeks. I've decided to remain blissfully unaware of all things political since Christmas and frankly I've been in a much better mood for it.<br />
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The vast majority of my free time has been spent gaming this past month...probably another contributor to my generally pleasant mood.<br />
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Assassin's Creed Brotherhood, is fucking amazing. There are no stunning upgrades to the single player campaign, with the exception of the new guild feature. The game now allows you to recruit the oppressed people of Rome to your cause and induct them into the Assassin's Guild to train them up and send them out on contract killings and missions of intimidation and/or protection. If you want to know what the Godfather felt like, this is probably going to be a highlight for you.<br />
<br />
I also got Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II. Also, a pretty badass game. It's pretty much a hack and slash that has some super shiny effects. I think the highlight so far has been the ability to play Jedi Mind Tricks on Stormtroopers and force them to either fight on your side or.....wonder over to the edge of that platform and jump the hell off. That's right folks...you too can force a clone to commit suicide.<br />
<br />
And then of course there's Cataclysm. World of Warcraft's third expansion has completely changed the face of the game...literally. Along with a lot of new features (Archeology, New Class/Race Combos, etc), the game has become a lot more fun to play outside of dungeons. The new questing zones are really stunning looking and the story telling that takes place in those zones is wonderful. So wonderful that I actually already got the Cataclysm Loremaster achievement on my Warlock and frankly I have no issue believing that I'll be doing the same on my Shaman. For those of you who don't know what "loremaster" means...basically there are 5 new zones for levels 80-85 and I've finished every quest in every one of those zones. Which is pretty retarded, but a shit load of fun. I especially recommend the Mount Hyjal quests. They're really a lot of fun, especially if you've been playing Warcraft games since they were still coming out with the RTSs.<br />
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I've also recently put my hands on the Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Wii. I know I know...I'm a bit late on the Wii boat, but now that I've got one I'm really loving it. And Zelda is pretty badass. I love that to attack you have to swing the Wii mote...it feels a lot more immersive and satisfying then it would if I was just smashing an A button. I'm also really fund of the art direction they went with on this game. It harkens back to the N64 Ocarina of Time. While the Wii doesn't shine in the graphics department, it definitely fills its niche with lots of lower graphic alternatives that make it really easy to overlook the 480p.<br />
<br />
That's all for now folks. I promise I'll try and write something a little more irate and angsty in the next couple of weeks. I'm sure that Sarah Palin will do something even more fucking stupid then her latest ridiculousness.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-84733969401285228732010-12-15T08:24:00.000-06:002010-12-15T08:24:56.936-06:00Girlie Night (3WW)If you've read my blog before you're likely aware that I love the <a href="http://www.drafthouse.com/">Alamo Drafthouse</a>. A great movie theater, they frequently play old school classis (this month its The Gremlins) while still keeping up with new movies and hosting late night viewings of those highly anticipated films, that we've all been waiting for all these years...Tron...<br />
<br />
Last night was no different. <br />
<br />
The Wife and I went to a screening of Love Actually. Basically an <u>utter</u> sappy ass movie about several couples and how they fall in love, continue to love, or suffer in exquisite anguish due to unrequited love. Did you guys like those big word?<br />
<br />
All in all I have to say I actually really like this movie. It's really funny where it should be and heart warming and not super heavy with the general sense of hopelessness you get while watching a romantic movie. <br />
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That's right I said hopelessness. <br />
<br />
To me, it seems that most romantic movies are fairly unrealistic when it comes to how people get together/stay together. I know, I know...it's a fucking movie, but it still seems silly.<br />
<br />
So back the important bit...the Wife. She loves this movie. I mean she fucking loves it. We watch it every Christmas (the movie is set around Christmas time) and usually when she's sick or just feeling down in general. Now in my infinite wisdom (yes infinite dear...) I decided I'd buy some tickets early as the Drafthouse does tend to sell out for events such as this.<br />
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Again...last night was no different.<br />
<br />
My plan was...get the tickets early (check), run late leaving the house (double check), eat dinner making us even later (triple check), arrive about 30 minutes early to find the movie sold out only to SAVE THE DAY and say "Good thing I got them last week!" followed by sex for the Monk.<br />
<br />
Well almost everything went as expected...maybe not as planned, but certainly as expected.<br />
<br />
As a consequence of leaving the house early the Wife got nervous about the show selling out and so she made the logical jump of insisting that we go buy our tickets before we ate dinner. Damn it Wife. Damn it all. In the end she was so insistent and I couldn't come up with a decent enough excuse (I'm a terrible liar) to not go along with her plan, that I came clean and gave over the voucher for our pre-purchased tickets.<br />
<br />
I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to save the day, but all's well that ends well I suppose.<br />
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In other news we've been <u>dabbling</u> in weight loss for the last few weeks. If you'd like to check out our <u>lean</u> mean not so supportive crew head over to <a href="http://bloggingblobs.blogspot.com/">Blogging Blobs</a> and be prepared for some mud slinging...or even poop, but that's only a sometimes thing.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-84431214141154828082010-12-08T08:18:00.000-06:002010-12-08T08:18:21.893-06:00Mr. Sprinkles (3WW)As we're beginning to swing into the holiday spirit around our house, we've slowly but surely been putting up decorations and buying some new outdoor lights. We're getting new outdoor lights because my dear retarded dog Einstein ate the last set we had outside.<br />
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That's right folks...the son of a bitch (literally in this case) ate the damn lights. <br />
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Bastard...(again, likely the case)<br />
<br />
Anyway, the Wife (I've given up on the Translator thing...several readers have deemed her Wife instead) put up some new decorations outside, while I was reveling in the glory that is the new World of Warcraft expansion. So around <u>nightfall</u> as a dutiful husband I was required to go see and applaud her effort.<br />
<br />
While we were outside one of our neighbor's cats came up for a visit. Though we've lived in this house for almost a year now this is the first time any of the neighborhood cats have come up to say Hai.<br />
<br />
Let me tell you, I'm generally a dog person, but this is one cute mother fucking cat. I mean he's got some series skills. I reached down a little to pat him on the head a little (I love all animals after all...except hamsters, fuck hamsters) and he jumped up a little and petted his head against my hand.<br />
<br />
Instantly I felt sorry for the little guy, like he doesn't get any loving at home, so he trolls the streets looking for a friendly pet.<br />
<br />
So the petting continued as we were trying to make some plans for other outside decorations for the year. I thought the little guy needed a name so I deemed him Mr. Sprinkles.<br />
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Now, I'm not one to <u>judge</u>...ok ok, that's bullshit. Judging is what I do...<br />
<br />
Anyway, I really don't love the idea of someone leaving their pet outside all the time. Especially a cat who is totally capable of jumping the fence and escaping. It seems pretty cruel to me, but than again any pet I've ever had has been like a member of the family. Even the rodenty ones.<br />
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Back to the Wife...by this time she's practically rocking like she's autistic of some shit and chanting to herself that "We can't feed Mr. Sprinkles." The crafty little sucker even tried to come in the house with us when we went in.<br />
<br />
That would have been the mistake of the day for Mr. Sprinkles. Would have made one entertaining ass children's books though. Something like <i>Mr. Sprinkles Meets the Playful Retard Dogs that Don't Understand the Concept of Weight Ratios.</i> Yeah I think that sounds about right.<br />
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They'd have crushed him within 20 minutes. All from innocent playing mind you. Einstein would be either trying to mount him/her (it just dawned on me that I didn't look and Mr. Sprinkles could just as easily be Ms.) or he'd be trying to find the squeaker inside. Franklin would likely thing he/she was a rope toy and try and break his/her neck. All in good fun mind you. Isn't that what your dog does?<br />
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So I hope you find <u>safety</u> Mr/Ms. Sprinkles. You're a cute little son of a bitch, I don't think you'll have too many issues.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-23435804353401134062010-12-07T14:36:00.001-06:002010-12-07T14:37:21.575-06:00And the Winner Is...I'm not really sure how this happened, but Frito won with his entry of "Where the Wild Thing Are...in my pants". Totally hilarious and inappropriate. I'll have that shirt up in the Cafe Press store along with several other entries that were very close.<br />
<br />
Here's the full list of entries in the order that they were ranked:<br />
<ol><li>Where the wild things are, in my pants</li>
<li>Where Men Find GLORY....In My Pants </li>
<li>Raging Inferno ....In My Pants</li>
<li>An Inconvenient Truth ... in My Pants</li>
<li>Take Off Your Pants and Jacket..... In My Pants</li>
<li>Anxeity Phobias and Panic ... in My Pants</li>
<li>Rumpelstiltskin .....In My Pants.</li>
<li>My Father's Hands ... in My Pants</li>
<li>It, in my pants</li>
<li>The art of Unit Testing, in my pants</li>
</ol><div>Sorry Ckrets...close, but no cigar. </div><br />
<div>I'll let you guys tell me if we want to have a similar type of competition next year. Thanks to those few that participated, I really appreciate the support.</div><br />
<div>Maybe next time I'll get off my fat ass and do some advertising.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-43264739405810074732010-12-01T08:24:00.000-06:002010-12-01T08:24:33.768-06:00And I'm Back... (3WW)So I haven't been posting very much lately and I'm sad to say it's got a lot less to do with my travels for the holidays and a whole lot to do with a distinct lack of motivation I've had the last couple weeks. I've even missed Three Word Wednesday, which I really love to do every week.<br />
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Thanks again Thom. <br />
<br />
So lets have a <u>revival</u>...<br />
<br />
Since I've been gone the big things that have been happening so far as I can tell are that:<br />
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A. Sarah Palin is on TV at least once a week in a non-news format.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://us4palin.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/f4e3ec76ins+Alaska.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://us4palin.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/f4e3ec76ins+Alaska.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">B. We now have a choice of radiation poisoning or sexual assault when we go to the airport.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgocQfEpXCL_9bG3qYlw2Oxkxg0bdo_V4LOyTyI2LoZ-F3wdBJpqcZutz5h0RKEOdMGgIwxmMa6BUsEhBNgW31i6NN4BHLjpBIVwQ6PrhhqL1fhHpLqZAoo-6L6kaIBL5be3dg8rnxbXUGH/s1600/airportscreening.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgocQfEpXCL_9bG3qYlw2Oxkxg0bdo_V4LOyTyI2LoZ-F3wdBJpqcZutz5h0RKEOdMGgIwxmMa6BUsEhBNgW31i6NN4BHLjpBIVwQ6PrhhqL1fhHpLqZAoo-6L6kaIBL5be3dg8rnxbXUGH/s320/airportscreening.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't know about you guys, but this looks like one shady motherfucker.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>C. North Korea fires on South Korea over a border dispute.<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.alfonsomerlos.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/parade1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="http://www.alfonsomerlos.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/parade1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div>So let's start with my favorite Alaskan...other then <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balto_(film)">Balto</a> of course (can't believe you guys had to click that link). Unfortunately I haven't had the opportunity to watch any of Mrs. Palin's reality show, but suffice it to say I'd rather not have my possible presidential candidates whoring themselves and their children out on reality television. I mean is the women looking for a career in the White House or a career on the TV in my house? </div><div><br />
</div><div>I'm not going to spend anymore time on Palin this week. We've got more important things to talk about.</div><div><br />
</div><div>How about the TSA? Which violation of privacy would you like to endure to get on an airplane? I do understand that likely hood of getting radiation poisoning from these scanners is pretty much slim and none, with the extremely limited exposure that the average American has to the scans. </div><div><br />
</div><div>However, based on the fact that there are some sicko's out there whacking it while looking at pictures of my junk, I'd really prefer it if they could prove that these scans are being deleted once they're examined for the purpose that they're taken.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I'm also going to take issue with the type of searches that people are going through when they opt out of the scanner. Do we really need to feel up every Grandma and pregnant woman in that way? Wouldn't a simple wand style medal detector be sufficient? Maybe not, but these searches certainly seem to criminalize everyday citizens for the actions of the few. I suppose in the grand scheme of things that's how stupid ass rules get made...thanks to stupid ass people.</div><div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">Well while the TSA certainly won't cause the <u>demise</u> of society as we know it, Kim Jong-il might. This crazy motherfucker is trying to start a war.</div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">If you didn't know, North Korea (lead by Kim Jong-il) launched missiles into South Korea last week in a border dispute. Honestly I'm not sure what the hell that means exactly, but apparently a couple miles of trackless jungle is worth the lives of innocent people...or at least it is for this crazy bastard.</div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">I know it probably wouldn't do anything but make him into a martyr, but I really wish someone would assassinate this guy or something. I swear I'd give a cookie for the <u>effort</u>.</div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.holocaustresearchproject.org/nazioccupation/images/Battalions%20of%20Nazi%20street%20fighters%20salute%20Hitler%20during%20an%20SA%20parade%20through%20Dortmund.%20Germany,%201933..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="202" src="http://www.holocaustresearchproject.org/nazioccupation/images/Battalions%20of%20Nazi%20street%20fighters%20salute%20Hitler%20during%20an%20SA%20parade%20through%20Dortmund.%20Germany,%201933..jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Similarities are a little frightening here no?</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.alfonsomerlos.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/parade1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="http://www.alfonsomerlos.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/parade1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Anyway, Happy Hump Day all. </div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</div></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-937676441846849952010-11-30T10:06:00.002-06:002010-11-30T10:06:24.195-06:00The End is NighInappropriate Remarks...in my pants, is drawing to a close. <br />
<div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I only received 10 entries in total from 4 people.</div></div><div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I'm still taking entries through tonight. So if you're entry is in before I wake up tomorrow I'll add you to the spreadsheet and you'll be in the running for an Epic T-shirt from Cafe Press.</div></div><div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Winners will be announced on the 7th of December. I'll also be putting up all the other submissions just so we can all have a good laugh.</div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-71391992493739886792010-11-16T08:20:00.000-06:002010-11-16T08:20:33.300-06:00I like to screw people...over. Yeah screw them over... (Small Packages)I was thinking about just writing some sappy shit about how I screwed my wife over by getting her to marry me, but I decided that that would be a really lame ass use of my time and yours. Even if it's true...<br />
<br />
Anyway, for <a href="http://cerebrallunchbox.blogspot.com/p/small-packages.html">my dear wife's blog fest</a> we're supposed to write about a time that we screwed someone over. This is of course done in loving memory of those Pilgrims who first screwed over the Indians upon arrival to the New World, thus setting the standard for centuries of white oppression in this country.<br />
<br />
<sarcasm> Good job guys!! </sarcasm><br />
<br />
Anyway back to me screwing someone...rare event that it is. The best thing I could thing of involved me screwing up my father's plan for Christmas. That's right, 8 year old me vs. 30 something father. At this moment I should have known that I was smarter then he was...I guess hind sight is 20/20.<br />
<br />
So when I was 7 years old, I met my father for the first time. That's right folks, my father abandoned my mother and I before I was born and then he magically reappeared after 7 years. <br />
<br />
Honestly, I don't ever remember feeling like I was lacking anything. I had my Uncle Jimmy around most of the time and he taught me the important stuff, like how to eat my cereal with a decent slurp, how to enjoy fuzzy aliens who eat cats, and most important, NUDEY MAGS. I'm pretty sure he still doesn't know that he taught me about those.<br />
<br />
Back to my <s>Douche Bag</s> father. So, I remember that my mom talked to him on the phone for a while and then one week he showed up and I met him and I was the best man in my own parents wedding. Later that week, we moved to southern California. It was a pretty whirlwind kind of week for my little 7 year old mind.<br />
<br />
So as you might guess I was a little bit bitter and angry and jealous of this invader destroying every norm that I'd ever known. Not to mention the fact that he was slowly but surely turning my mother against me.<br />
<br />
So along came our first Christmas as a "family". My father, in an attempt to bond with me (or at least I assume), let me in on the secret that was my mother's Christmas present. It was a stereo as I remember it. <br />
<br />
So, he takes me back into their closet and uncovers what is likely the most poorly hidden gift on the face of this planet and low and behold a couple of big boxes of low end stereo equipment.<br />
<br />
And what do you think the first thing I did was? You're God damn right I went and told her. I ran down the hall screaming her name and something like "Guess what that <s>son of a bitch</s> dad got you for Christmas!"<br />
<br />
And so it began...a long line of me screwing him over in one way or the other and him making my life as miserable as possible. To this day, I count that Christmas as one of the most successful offensives I ever posed against my <s>father</s> douche bag sperm donor.<br />
<br />
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-88650055174443991962010-11-10T08:55:00.000-06:002010-11-10T08:55:03.241-06:00Bitch Be Crazy (3WW)And we're back to Sarah Palin. This week the crazy lady is criticizing Pennsylvania schools for putting a limit on the kind of snacks that are made available to students during holiday and birthday celebrations. If you're interested in the article, you can check it out <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/US/cookie-protest-sarah-palin-calls-pennsylvania-nanny-state/story?id=12104862">here</a>.<br />
<br />
I find this terribly interesting, because it seems so asinine. We can't teach our kids about sex, but we can feed them right into obesity and health issues? Honestly, speaking as a diabetic and a fatty, I'd say that obesity is a significantly larger problem, than pregnancy...at least when it comes to elementary and junior high school children.<br />
<br />
Palin is quoted as asking <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">"You shouldn't have been making these decisions about what you can eat at the school. Should it be the government or should it be the parents?" Based on how the public school system works, at least in my experience, parents have very little to no knowledge of / influence on the day to day of their children's education. Let alone their eating habits when it comes to school time.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">Simply put, it is my opinion that parents are ill equipped to make the appropriate dietary decisions for their children during the day. In other words, while the parents are away, the children will eat whatever the fuck they like.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">And since children are obviously not able to make the best decisions for themselves, that leaves the schools. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">If a parent doesn't agree with how a school is being run, that parent has the option of enroll their child in another school. I know that can cost money, but honestly what wouldn't we do to give our children the very best opportunities right? We <u>treasure</u> them so dearly after all.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">Anyway, Palin of course jumped to <u>immediate</u> action when she heard about these poor starved children and brought them all dozens of cookies. Cause that's what we need to do right? Undermine the tenuous grasp on authority that our teachers fight to hold on to. Yeah...that's how we'll empower our teachers to help us rear our children.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">It seems to me as though Palin is simply waving a rude, fuck you style, <u>gesture</u> in the faces of a predominately Democratic state simply because they are Democratic and this serves to keep her the headlines. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">In other Palin news...if you haven't heard there's going to be an "8 week TV event" on TLC. Should help us all get a little insight, skewed by mass media to be sure, on how the mind of Sarah Palin works and maybe (just maybe) we can figure out those awesome parenting techniques that lead to Palin becoming a Grandmother.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-27842008652537342762010-11-08T08:07:00.000-06:002010-11-08T08:07:23.400-06:00It's people...soylent green is people!So this weekend I got a lesson in irony from fish. I know...it's not the place one would usually look for enlightenment, but I'll take it where I can get it.<br />
<br />
The Wife and I went to the Japanese Tea Garden her in San Antonio. If you've never been and live in the area, shame on you. Get your ass down there ASAP and don't forget the cat food.<br />
<br />
Yeah...I said cat food. Apparently the koi fish that they have in the ponds of the garden are rabid fans of cat food. Ah...sweet irony, how I've missed you. <br />
<br />
It was actually really amazing. We started out feeding this small group of koi over on the far right side of the pond, but as time went by the group of fish we were feeding starting getting bigger and bigger. We looked up and we saw this long line of fish coming from the left side of the pond. All waiting in line for their fishy version of soylent green.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-6161897897276690542010-11-03T07:37:00.000-05:002010-11-03T07:37:38.184-05:00Goes together like a Horse and CarriageThis I tell you brother...you can't have one without the other.<br />
<br />
Ok...well enough singing. So I was laying in bed with the Wife last night and I went to give her a kiss. Not a big sloppy I-wanna-have-sex kiss...FYI, those don't work anyway...but I nice sweet little kiss and what do I get?<br />
<br />
A push and a "Oh shit...it freaked me out!"<br />
<br />
That's right guys, that's what lies ahead for us married Joes. At some point you're cruising along and <u>abruptly</u> you realize (cause as a man you only pay attention sometimes) that all of the romance has gone out of your marriage.<br />
<br />
Anyway...moments later the Wife declares she has an itch and so I, being the helpful fuzzy wuzzy bear husband that I am, decide to help scratch said itch and commence with trying any number of places that she usually itches. Again I get an unexpected response:<br />
<br />
She starts squirming around and swatting at me (swatting is a nice way to say domestic abuse) and screaming at me "STOP HELPING! STOP HELPING!"<br />
<br />
In that moment I realized, that the romance hasn't gone out of marriage...it's simply turned into laughter.<br />
<br />
We've been together a long time the Wife and I. We've been married 7 and a half years, not to mention the year and a half we were together before the <s>shackles</s>...errr rings were on our fingers and over the course of time, I think we've both been guilty of letting life get in the way of our more traditional romantic moments. <br />
<br />
Things like work and our pets and bills are distractions that subvert that one most important <u>kernel</u> of truth...that we love each other.<br />
<br />
So today, when I go home, I may be <u>wielding</u> a cheap bouquet of flowers and an even cheaper bottle of wine in the hopes of seducing the Wife in a more traditional way then I have in a while. Tickling the shit out your spouse isn't the only way to be romantic after all.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-44487912490405611372010-11-02T07:59:00.001-05:002010-11-02T09:18:27.739-05:00As Time Goes By<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Have you ever gotten really great news and then after the initial shock of joy that you go you started to kind of feel blue about the whole thing? Maybe not about the news, but maybe about your lack of news?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">In other words...I'm talking about jealousy. (Piss off...sometimes it's hard to be honest with yourself.)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">The Wife and I decided to stop trying to not have a baby a while back...actually it was like last year. We haven't had any luck yet, but that's not for lack of trying (wink wink). Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm not meant to be a father, sometimes I wonder if God's divine plan doesn't include my hopes for parenthood.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">As some of you may know, the Wife is an only child and both of my sisters have learning disabilities that render them basically incapable of caring for themselves (in a financial adult kind of way). As such, it's not likely we'll have any children in our lives except the ones we have ourselves or the ones our friends decide to have.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">So getting the news, of a baby from the man I consider to be one of my best friends was exciting to say the least. He's going to be a great father and his wife a great mother, of that I am sure. But at the same time that I felt all this excitement and joy for my friends I couldn't help but dwell on my own lack of news.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">I've always been the oldest of our small tight group, but I've never felt that old truthfully. I'm fairly immature when it comes to my desires for entertainment, but I like to think that regardless of my total lack of tact, I take care of my business and keep a roof over my wifes head and food in the fridge. But, of late I've started to wonder if maybe we've waited too long to start trying to breach this new chapter of life.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Maybe, our choice to try and better our financial situation before we had a child was simply a pipe dream. I mean we are better off now then we have been in the past, but can you ever really be ready financially for parenthood? Most of the parents I know say otherwise. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Well, enough of my pissing and moaning. The Wife's got a doctors appointment today...hopefully she tells us all we need to do is shift everything to the left and WHAMO! Preggers Wife. We can only hope, though I'm not sure I know how to shift that business in any direction.</span></span></div><div><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-10102552039296296002010-11-01T09:36:00.000-05:002010-11-01T09:36:31.821-05:00Inappropriate Remarks...in my pants!! ReminderJust a reminder for you slackers out there...we've got this little contest going here at Inappropriate Remarks. <br />
<br />
Who can come up with the best "...in my pants" joke?<br />
<br />
It's really easy...simply pick the name of a book, magazine, blog, movie, etc. and add "...in my pants" to the end of it. We have 3 impartial judges that will decide on the top 3.<br />
<br />
Number 1 will receive a t-shirt with their winning submission.<br />
Number 2 and 3 will have their t-shirts made available on the <a href="http://www.cafepress.com/TBMsInappropriateShop">TBM CafePress page</a>.<br />
<br />
So lets go people...we need all submissions by November 30th. Winners will be announced the first week of December.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-39501473882348359692010-10-29T08:33:00.002-05:002010-10-29T10:38:36.381-05:00The Monday Weigh In RebornWell folks as you may have seen I was considering bringing back the Monday Weigh In, but as it is I think we've come up with a better idea. Several of us from the 20sb.net family have got it in our heads to go with a new experiment. <br />
<br />
5 of us<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Mondays I'll be posting</li>
<li>Tuesdays we'll have Lil from <a href="http://isittooearlyforamartini.blogspot.com/">Is it too early for a martini?</a></li>
<li>Wednesday will be Lorraine from <a href="http://roxanneandlorraine.blogspot.com/">Late to the Party</a></li>
<li>Thursday we'll tolerate Bret from <a href="http://bretsyboo.blogspot.com/">Slightly Disappointing</a></li>
<li>Friday will be my dear beautiful wife Witless Exposition from <a href="http://cerebrallunchbox.blogspot.com/">Cerebral Lunchbox</a></li>
</ul><div>I think the plan is to mock and ridicule each other into weight loss. All in all it should be a remarkably interesting experiment. Check it out at <span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><a href="http://bloggingblobs.blogspot.com/" style="color: #0065cc;" target="_blank">http://bloggingblobs.blogspot.<wbr></wbr>com/</a></span></div><div><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-29062017125782398442010-10-27T08:08:00.000-05:002010-10-27T08:08:24.057-05:00RE: The Glee Rocky Horror ShowThe Translator and I watch Glee religiously. That's right folks...I watch a show that is generally targeted toward a younger, hotter, female demographic. As many of you have seen I'm not hot or female and I'm not particularly young either.<br />
<br />
But still I really enjoy this show. Mostly for Sue Sylvester, but some of the music is quite good too.<br />
<br />
Last night Glee did a "tribute" to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. If you don't know what that is just stop reading now; go buy yourself a copy and educate yourself.<br />
<br />
A <u>rampant</u> sadistic sex party, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is easily my favorite musical. I mean how can you beat Meatloaf as a biker and Tim Curry as a transvestite scientist.<br />
<br />
And really Tim's got a pair of legs that just don't quit.<br />
<br />
The music is awesome and hilarious and raunchy all at the same time. And if you have a theater in your area that does midnight showings then go expose yourself to the experience. There's lots of interactivity that goes along with the movie.<br />
<br />
Anyway...back to Glee. WTF were they thinking? The episode was more of a burned effigy then a tribute. Let's start with a FEMALE Frankenfurter. What kind of ridiculous bullshit is this? How do you sing Sweet Transvestite when you're not even cross dressing? And why is it we can say transvestite on TV, but we can't say transsexual?<br />
<br />
I don't know how many of you caught Mercedes "modernized" version of the song, but I'm pretty sure there's nothing fucking sensational about Transylvania. The whole thing sent a <u>tremor</u> of revulsion shoot up the back of my throat.<br />
<br />
Now I know this may strike you all as a bit conservative of me, but who in their right mind would allow a group of high school kids to perform Rocky Horror. I mean really...the whole damn thing is littered with sex and drug references. It's not like children aren't exposed to these things already, but do we have to lead them to it? Do we have to make it ok and more comfortable? Certainly I feel like there's a vast gaping valley between allowing a child to watch a movie which is easily dismiss-able and actually emerging them to the point required to perform it.<br />
<br />
A child's sense of propriety is <u>fragile</u> at best these days with the advent of sexting, internet porn (hell yeah I know I watch it too), and pop stars like Brittney Spearme and Christina Fuckmetherea, that we don't really need to push any further.<br />
<br />
Wow...I'm kind of sounding like an old man. Back in my day we only got porn in magazines...and we were happy to get it too.<br />
<br />
I actually remember my first Playboy...Shannon Tweed was the playmate of the year that year. <br />
<br />
Enough reminiscing...I'm not trying to say we should shelter our children from the realities of the world, I'm simply trying to say that there should be a balance.<br />
<br />
Like Sue Sylvester says: "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Children must know fear. Without it, they'll try Frenching grizzly bears or trying to live in Florida."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Now...as if to contradict everything I've just said I'm going to shamelessly plug the little competition I'm sponsoring this month. Please check out the <a href="http://inappropriateremarks.blogspot.com/p/inappropriate-remarksin-my-pants.html">Inappropriate Remarks...in my pants!</a> tab up at the top for information. We're all sure to get some laughs out of the whole thing. We've had a few really great submissions already and I'm hoping to get lots more.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-31334842837901121942010-10-26T10:09:00.000-05:002010-10-26T10:09:15.912-05:00A new planSo I've been thinking about my general approach to this whole eat/live healthy thing. As you've seen in a few pictures now I'm kind of a fat ass. I'm pretty much comfortable with it now, as I've been that fat kid my whole life. However, with the prospect of parenthood on the horizon, I'd much rather be in a healthier place so that I can be an example for my future children.<div><br />
</div><div>Plus if I get healthy before their born I can lie to them and tell them that I've always been this way. (Don't sneer...everyone lies to children.)</div><div><br />
</div><div>So the new plan:</div><div><br />
</div><div><b>Exercise:</b> I think I plan to keep my original routine with this one. I enjoy the 3 day a week jog and I really want to get back to it. Softball has been a big part of the weight I've already lost, so I'm certainly going to keep doing that. Plus I'm finally starting to not suck terribly.</div><div><br />
</div><div><b>Food:</b> This is the big one for me. I tend to want to starve myself because the logical bit of my brain says if I don't eat I'll lose weight. However I've been reading a bit and it seems that several small "meals" over the course of the day is a much better way to go about this whole eating healthy business. So my plan at the moment is to add some fruit and/or veggies into my schedule at the mid point between each of my regular meals. </div><div><ul><li>6:30AM - Breakfast</li>
<li>9:30AM - Piece of Fruit</li>
<li>11:00AM - Lunch</li>
<li>2:30PM - Fruit or Carrots</li>
<li>5-6PM - Dinner</li>
<li>8PM - Small dessert. (This will be the hard one. I have an addiction to dessert)</li>
</ul><div>Well...that's the plan. I'll be doing updates on the Monday Weigh In again. </div></div><div><br />
</div><div>Don't forget...the cake is a lie and the cube had to die for it.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-6461968043626751092010-10-25T13:36:00.002-05:002010-10-25T13:42:50.342-05:00Inappropriate Remarks...in my pants!!Ok guys, lets have a throw down. Who's got the funnier "...in my pants" joke?<br />
<br />
<b>The Basic Rules:</b><br />
<br />
<ol><li>You've go to fit the format...<insert blog="" book="" here="" magazine="" title="">...in my pants.</insert></li>
<li>The book/blog/magazine you use has got to be REAL. I'm asking that you send a link/pic for each so that I can verify.</li>
<li>You can make 3 submissions and only 3 submission.</li>
<li>Don't worry about being crude or rude...that's kind of the point.</li>
<li>All submissions must be made by Tuesday November 30th.</li>
<li>Judging will be complete by the following Tuesday December 7th.</li>
<li>Submissions can be sent to <a href="mailto:tbm.nation@gmail.com">tbm.nation@gmail.com</a></li>
</ol><div><b>The Winner</b> will receive a t-shirt via <a href="http://www.cafepress.com/TBMsInappropriateShop">Cafe Press</a>. Their submission will also be available in my Cafe Press store for others to grab if they'd like. I also plan on picking 2-3 runners up from the submissions creating shirts for them as well. I'll also be featuring the winners blog on my blog via a shiny post.</div><div><br />
</div><div><b>The Judges </b>will be <a href="http://cerebrallunchbox.blogspot.com/">Witless Exposition</a> (my dear wife), <a href="http://abidingtragedy.blogspot.com/">InfoJunky</a> (my best friend), and of course yours truly. As such none of us will be making submissions, cause that just wouldn't be fair.<br />
<br />
This will have a permanent home as a page on the bar above.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-35781967530916312352010-10-25T07:32:00.002-05:002010-10-25T08:15:09.039-05:00The Return of the Monday Weigh In?What do you guys think? I kind of felt like the whole thing was a bit of a flop. I didn't see many comments and only had 1 participant once and that was the Translator who I badgered into posting.<br />
<br />
Anyone interested in the plight that is my huge ass?<br />
<br />
Any suggestions for a more appealing format?<br />
<br />
I'm asking all this because the Translator was kind of badgering me about it. She seems to think that 6 weeks wasn't enough. Truth be told she's probably right, but I figured I'd have at least one regularish buddy by then.<br />
<br />
Let me know what you guys think.<br />
<br />
Here's a <a href="http://inappropriateremarks.blogspot.com/2010/09/monday-weigh-in-6.html">link</a> to a previous post if you don't know what the hell it is I'm talking about. Interestingly enough...this post is where I was first contacted by our good buddy <a href="http://saraswearsalot.blogspot.com/">Sara Swears A Lot</a>.<br />
<br />
Don't forget...the cake is a lie and the cube had to die for it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-8026794868976196062010-10-21T14:19:00.000-05:002010-10-21T14:19:25.846-05:00Apparently, I'm a "Jerkface"Lately, the Translator and I have been talking about baby names. No there's not a cub monk on the way...yet, but we like to be prepared and naming a kid seems like one of those important things that should be discussed. I mean I don't want my kid getting their ass kicked through school.<br />
<br />
So let's have a look at the names proposed by the Translator:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Ruby</li>
<li>Ivy</li>
<li>Zoey</li>
<li>Rosson</li>
</ul>To be frank I basically hate all of these names for varying reasons. I particularly don't like the name Ruby. The Translator thinks it would be cute especially if our kid was born in the month of July (for those less informed souls the jewel that is representative of the month of July is a ruby). She likes the idea because both of our birthdays are in July as is our anniversary. Also, my sister's birthday falls in the month of July. The day after mine to be exact.<br />
<br />
Which makes July a pretty hectic month for us. Also a pretty broke ass month too.<br />
<br />
I kind of feel like Ivy is a little bit too close to a comic book name. I mean there's Poison Ivy and then there's those skinamax movies with the same title. Seems like kids live into their names and I don't want my kid to be a whore or a comic book villain or God forbid both.<br />
<br />
Zoey is just lame...I don't like it. I'm not really sure why. No real strong feeling about it...I just think it's kind of a terrible name.<br />
<br />
And finally Rosson...it's my understanding that this is a family name for my wife. Though very few people apparently participate in the convention. I just can't bring myself to name my kid something that isn't a damn name! It is a surname yes...but it is NOT a first or middle name.<br />
<br />
And for all the above reason I am a jerkface. Yup...I don't like any names she's suggested. Not a single one. I guess maybe I am...who knows.<br />
<br />
Either way, so far as the battle of the names is concerned I'm winning. We've decided on some lovely names in my personal opinion.<br />
<br />
For a girl: Virginia (my grandmother) Rachel (her mother).<br />
For a boy: Matthew James Jr. (I always wanted a namesake. Not sure why...but I intend to call him Jimmy).<br />
<br />
Anyway...this was all basically spawned because I veto'd the name she picked for one of her fictional characters. Clara just seems like she'd be a boring character based on her name. Maybe that's because the last Clara I knew was a fucking idiot.<br />
<br />
QOTD: Planning on having children? Have any ideas for names? What did you think of our choices?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-10875862049401153122010-10-20T08:49:00.001-05:002010-10-20T09:24:56.631-05:00It's just too damn tempting (3WW)So the Translator is/was a high school English teacher when this whole Twilight fad started. As such she's read all of the books and we went and saw the first movie on opening weekend. I felt like a soldier behind enemy lines.<br />
<br />
The Twihards had me surrounded and if I made even the slightest derogatory remark about the terrible terrible (did I mention terrible?) dialog and/or the absurd story line, I knew we'd be finished.<br />
<br />
Unlike their ideal Edward, I knew they'd rip us to shreds, because Twihards are not vegetarian vampires.<br />
<br />
Lets just talk about that idiotic turn of phrase. Vegetarian Vampire...based solely on this term, I know without the shadow of a doubt, that Stephanie Meyer is fucking moron.<br />
<br />
Where was I? Right. Behind enemy lines...they had us surrounded. And then Edward calls Bella a "spider monkey" and I almost lose my shit. I'm not sure what <u>effect</u> they were going for with a pet name like "spider monkey". Do you know any person of the female persuasion that wants to be referred to as any sort of monkey? Yeah...me either.<br />
<br />
With my quiet snickers I've drawn the scowls of several of the enemy soldiers in the seats near us...there's more tension in the 10 feet around me then the whole of the movie that we're watching. Fortunately, Edward comes back on the screen...or maybe Jacob took his shirt off again...and drew their attention away from me.<br />
<br />
We were safe....for now.<br />
<br />
On the story stumbles. Plot holes abound, but the Twihards are not deterred. If anything, they're more enthralled by the whole thing than a starving man looking at a free meal. This <u>immense</u> pile of shit has caught the attention of the youth in the theatre and it's not letting go.<br />
<br />
So now we come to the scene where Edward finally steps into the light and fries like the dirty stinking blood sucking villain he is....sadly that last bit is not exactly how it goes. Instead, Edward steps out into the light and rips of his shirt to REVEAL....his <u>shimmer</u>ing bird chest. He dramatically delivers the line "This is the skin of a killer." and I finally lose my shit.<br />
<br />
I start giggling uncontrollably. The Translator is hitting me out of self preservation...some of the Twihards are starting to stair. The gravity of the situation hits me....and I continue laughing. If I must die it will be with a smile on my face, mocking that which I have come to loath the most.<br />
<br />
QOTD: Anyone else go to the opening of Twilight? Any fans of the books? If so, what the fuck is wrong with your brain?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-40773236368649713902010-10-19T17:35:00.002-05:002010-10-20T10:54:55.920-05:00WTF Does that name mean anyway?So...for those of you that have perhaps wondered how the hell I came to be known as "The Bear Monk", here's how the story goes.<br />
<br />
Let me start by saying that I love love love, live music. I fucking love it. The press of the crowd. The adrenaline rush of throwing crowd surfers at the security guards (yeah I'm a big guy). And of course the music. When a band is good live I will buy their albums and I will go to see them again. <br />
<br />
The Translator and I have traveled 7 hours to see concerts before and I'm sure we'll do it again.<br />
<br />
So every year, my favorite band, <a href="http://www.floggingmolly.com/">Flogging Molly</a>, does a tour called the Green 17 Tour. They always end it on St. Paddy's day and the shows are always amazing. We've seen them like 5 or 6 times now and we have every intention of going again this February/March.<br />
<br />
I guess it was 2 years ago, we saw the show in New Orleans at the House of Blues.<br />
<br />
Side note: I think the House of Blues in New Orleans, LA is my favorite venue. It's pretty small and so even super loud shows can still be really intimate and you get to be really close to the band. All in all I've always had a great time at HoB.<br />
<br />
Anyway...we get to shows super early. Like hours early, so that we can get right on that guard rail to see the band. You see...the Translator is approximately 5 foot nothing, so it's important for us to get a good spot so that she can have a chance to see the show at all.<br />
<br />
As part of the show, Flogging Molly will kind of do the whole "How many Irishmen do we have in the audience tonight?" In my mind I know that in their mind everyone is "Irish" at one of their shows, but with my logical brain I didn't join in the cheering. Technically speaking I am of a mostly German heritage. So the lead singer, David King, notices that I'm not cheering. And he says to me:<br />
<br />
"If you're not Irish I don't know what the fuck you are. Maybe some kind of Bear Monk or something? And that can't be all bad!"<br />
<br />
The crowd cheered and honestly...I kind of loved the idea anyway.<br />
<br />
After all, I looked like this:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkt4bP2d_SbtASIhEEPL32mtU3WUcGh7ngGhZB-HBaY4dAtTvsUWPgNv9XjGVtIchVkVQdkVFY2HaAmwRzrK4jrz_rEeOLI4E1XRn6j0h2TyabriNL6jWgsvaI6rR0AVQBzCSSLiyA0N6t/s1600/n1233543800_30152341_7594605.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkt4bP2d_SbtASIhEEPL32mtU3WUcGh7ngGhZB-HBaY4dAtTvsUWPgNv9XjGVtIchVkVQdkVFY2HaAmwRzrK4jrz_rEeOLI4E1XRn6j0h2TyabriNL6jWgsvaI6rR0AVQBzCSSLiyA0N6t/s320/n1233543800_30152341_7594605.jpg" width="237" /></a></div><br />
Don't we look super fuckin' happy?<br />
<br />
So the following year, last February actually, we went to see Flogging Molly in Houston (we've recently moved to Texas), and low and behold there were a couple of guys I recognized and by God they remembered me too. And of course they remembered me as the "Bear Monk" and told me how they'd told stories about me in the intervening time.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiilmtPcDMTx68rx73N0nZQzyFghFKe3Pnj2ayRr5eBoZvegiBbrFC7MP_8Qux-G6Rz-F8k3N8raOC8ZE5jZiesiwVgzJtP6tygjUaSaj6XDvsiQEq4gybXkR_AuA_1FBpIQ4ntuwqewGFu/s1600/36152_1534755982032_1628807344_1226835_4663700_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiilmtPcDMTx68rx73N0nZQzyFghFKe3Pnj2ayRr5eBoZvegiBbrFC7MP_8Qux-G6Rz-F8k3N8raOC8ZE5jZiesiwVgzJtP6tygjUaSaj6XDvsiQEq4gybXkR_AuA_1FBpIQ4ntuwqewGFu/s320/36152_1534755982032_1628807344_1226835_4663700_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me, David King, and my buddy Casey</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Not long after that, I decided to start this blog and that just seemed like the name to go by. <br />
<br />
QOTD: How'd you come up with your blog handle? Anyone else into live music?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-49997679006052492532010-10-13T08:07:00.000-05:002010-10-13T08:07:51.093-05:00New Experiences and Old Experiences (3WW)So last week as you all know I was in Washington D.C. on a business trip. As much as I loath to travel, for business, I do love the opportunity I get when it comes to trying new kinds of food. The team I work with is rather diverse and as such while we were talking about going to lunch one day someone suggested we try an Ethiopian place. To which I responded:<br />
<br />
Ethiopians have food? Shouldn't we give it back?<br />
<br />
To which I received the expected <u>hiss</u> of disapproval. That's right...yet another moment in which I become the awkward individual. How course I tried to back peddle with:<br />
<br />
I figured Ethiopians were like Canadians and didn't really have a cultural cuisine.<br />
<br />
But of course I am not meant to be <u>absolve</u>d of my auditory indiscretions. You know what though...screw those hissers and those head shakers. That was some quality comic material. We can laugh out loud at Starvin' Marvin on South Park, but a little one liner is frowned upon because if makes a bit of a joke about the famine in Ethiopia?<br />
<br />
It's not like I was trying <u>ridicule</u> Ethiopians in any significant way. I don't think they're lesser as a people because they're suffering from or have suffered from a famine. I make fun of my own Irish/German heritage quite frequently.<br />
<br />
I guess I can understand the concept of an inappropriate joke. A joke which mocks or feeds into stereotypes that are both harmful and demeaning to a subset of people. I get that, but the Ethiopians did have a famine. It's not a stereotype. <br />
<br />
Than again, maybe that's my short coming? Maybe its too soon? <br />
<br />
I sure wish we'd come up for a standard timeline so that I can know when it's ok to make jokes about a particular event. I'm basically aware that 9/11 is completely off limits forever. Than again....I can't really see any humorous angle there. Maybe down the line something ironic will happen and I'll feel the insatiable urge to point it out and get hissed at again.<br />
<br />
Just as an FYI...I really enjoyed the Ethiopian food. We actually went with an Ethiopian woman from the team and she helped us order, so that I didn't blow my mouth up with spicy food. The only thing I didn't love about it was this spongey bread/wrap stuff that comes with the food. It kind of had a weird flavor to it...kind of sour. Interesting texture though.<br />
<br />
<b>Question of the Day:</b> Did you know there was Ethiopian cuisine? Have you tried it? What did you think?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1656918276292872533.post-24235238864468448292010-10-11T21:39:00.000-05:002010-10-11T21:39:47.132-05:00Small Packages: Scary MoviesSo as a fat white nerd, I watch a lot of TV. I mean a lot...sometimes I feel like Fry or Bender from Futurama. And as such I really didn't think I'd have an issue with coming up with my favorite Halloween episode. I mean I just say the Boy Meets World Halloween episode just a couple weeks ago.<br />
<br />
And we all know and love those Treehouse of Horrors episodes of the Simpsons.<br />
<br />
But I couldn't for the life of me point my finger on just one episode of one show from all those years of TV watching. So, I'm going to talk about my favorite horror movie...<br />
<br />
OMG...TWILIGHT!!!<br />
<br />
No really...I love zombies. And most of all I love Romero zombies. I think it all started with the Romero remake of Dawn of the Dead. It's such a thoroughly complete movie that had me on the edge of my seat inside the first ten minutes.<br />
<br />
There's something to be said for the for the power of a zombie child coming after you as you get out of bed. I think that first scene really hits home for me because that's the lifestyle I live. The Translator and I are professionals, living in your generic suburban subdivision. And in all this I can definitely see the Translator being the one to get away.<br />
<br />
She'd abandon me in a second...even if she wouldn't admit it.<br />
<br />
After the very tense bedroom scene...hehehe...we move on to the meat of the movie. The shopping mall...this is where Romero's message becomes a lot more clear. The zombies like cattle are drawn to the mall by "instinct". <br />
<br />
Isn't it sad to think that when all your other faculties are gone, your urge to go the mall and consume will still not be sated?<br />
<br />
Now admittedly, a mall is probably one of the best places you could hold up during the zombie revolution. <br />
<br />
Yes...there THE zombie revolution. Check the Bible people, it's gonna happen.<br />
<br />
I mean lets think about it for a second, there's food in the food court, reinforced doors at all exits, surveillance, and then of course there's the entertainment. So long as the power stays on you could play video games till to the food runs out and the zombies die of starvation.<br />
<br />
When the Translator and I first saw this movie I was scared shitless. I'm not even going to try to lie to you. I had a hard time getting to sleep that night. <br />
<br />
This one time...after Katrina hit....the wife and I were walking through the campus of the college we attended with a friend of ours. As you might guess there was a pretty significant amount of damage on campus and the only lights around were the flash lights we had.<br />
<br />
We'd checked out most of the campus and were heading back to our dorm (we lived in the married dorms...the 9th ring of Hell) via the path between the liberal arts building and theater building. We get about halfway through the courtyard area and we start to hear creaking and chains rattling. <br />
<br />
So my good friend and I...ONLY because we're both tall and have naturally longer strides...start walking faster. Not a lot faster, just walking at what we would consider a normal gait. The Translator...coward that she is...starts yelling at us for "abandoning" her to the zombies.<br />
<br />
I still don't know what she's talking about...we were just walking.<br />
<br />
Wow...this post kind of went down the rabbit hole didn't it? What can I say...I like zombies and they've kind of permeated most aspects of my like. Fortunately, one of them isn't my commute...yet.<br />
<br />
To check out the other posts from the blogfest, check out the Translator's blog <a href="http://cerebrallunchbox.blogspot.com/p/small-packages.html">here</a>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05850207517680847619noreply@blogger.com15