As Time Goes By

Have you ever gotten really great news and then after the initial shock of joy that you go you started to kind of feel blue about the whole thing?  Maybe not about the news, but maybe about your lack of news?

In other words...I'm talking about jealousy.  (Piss off...sometimes it's hard to be honest with yourself.)

The Wife and I decided to stop trying to not have a baby a while back...actually it was like last year.  We haven't had any luck yet, but that's not for lack of trying (wink wink).  Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm not meant to be a father, sometimes I wonder if God's divine plan doesn't include my hopes for parenthood.

As some of you may know, the Wife is an only child and both of my sisters have learning disabilities that render them basically incapable of caring for themselves (in a financial adult kind of way).  As such, it's not likely we'll have any children in our lives except the ones we have ourselves or the ones our friends decide to have.

So getting the news, of a baby from the man I consider to be one of my best friends was exciting to say the least.  He's going to be a great father and his wife a great mother, of that I am sure.  But at the same time that I felt all this excitement and joy for my friends I couldn't help but dwell on my own lack of news.

I've always been the oldest of our small tight group, but I've never felt that old truthfully.  I'm fairly immature when it comes to my desires for entertainment, but I like to think that regardless of my total lack of tact, I take care of my business and keep a roof over my wifes head and food in the fridge.  But, of late I've started to wonder if maybe we've waited too long to start trying to breach this new chapter of life.

Maybe, our choice to try and better our financial situation before we had a child was simply a pipe dream.  I mean we are better off now then we have been in the past, but can you ever really be ready financially for parenthood?  Most of the parents I know say otherwise. 

Well, enough of my pissing and moaning.  The Wife's got a doctors appointment today...hopefully she tells us all we need to do is shift everything to the left and WHAMO!  Preggers Wife.  We can only hope, though I'm not sure I know how to shift that business in any direction.