Since When is Tolerance a Four Letter Word

With a recent bullying induced teen suicide fresh in our minds, I ask...Since when is tolerance a four letter word? Since when is privacy something you have to work at?  Since when do we have to protect our privacy from out friends?

I guess whole thing stirs two emotional buckets for me.  The tolerance and privacy buckets...while they're both really important to me, they don't generally coalesce in such a singular terrible event.

A little background for those who have no idea what I'm talking about...Basically a friend asks another friend if they can have the dorm room to themselves.  Friend2 says of course and goes to hang with his girlfriend.  Friend1 goes about his evening, without knowing that Friend2 has setup a camera in the dorm room and is streaming an intimate moment Friend1 is having across the internet.

Agreed, generally speaking this sounds like a harmless prank...an invasion of privacy yes, but for the most part harmless.  Now, what I haven't said is that Friend1 is gay and still hasn't come out.  Now of course I can't possibly fathom what it's like to keep a secret of that magnitude, but certainly this is a life altering revelation meant to be shared with family and friends in a very personal way.

Hint: When I say "in a very personal way", what I mean to say is...NOT ON THE FUCKING INTERNET.

And so, long story short, Friend1 killed themselves because he found out that Friend2 Asshole2 had been broadcasting his personal life to anyone and everyone willing to join the appropriate channel.

I won't say that Asshole2 should be charged with murder, even if he was the catalyst for the suicide I believe that we make our OWN choices and as such we should be held personally responsible for those choices.  While Asshole1 may have metaphorically put Friend1 on that ledge he certainly didn't do it physically.

While I've never felt lust for another man, I can only imagine it's an extremely confusing feeling.  With society bombarding us with two very opposing ideas, on one side people say that it's unnatural to have these feeling, while another part of society tells us that it's okay.  As a young person, at least when I was young, I know it can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that not everything society says is true.

A number of times I've heard the word tolerance spoken by individuals in the Christian community with a great deal of disdain and I have to admit I find it confusing.  According to the Bible we're to love our neighbors as ourselves.  It doesn't make a special exception for gay people.

The Bible does not say "Love your neighbors, so long as they are just like you and believe everything you do."  It just doesn't.

Sorry guys...I know that's a bitch and all.

If fact, the Bible does say, that in the eyes of God all sins are equal.

So with that in mind, why is that some people in the Christian community choose to put homosexuality on some kind of pedestal of hate.  They treat it as if its the the Superbowl or the World Series of sin.

Welcome to the inappropriate section of the post.

I don't not believe that all homosexual people are born homosexual.  I do believe that there are some people that, for whatever reason, choose homosexuality.

While I DO NOT believe that those born with the predisposition to homosexuality are sinning (I say predisposition, because I don't feel like it's a defect or a retardation, but simply a slightly different ordering of chromosomes.  Like mutants...and mutants are fuckin' cool right?).  I do believe that those choosing it are.

I don't think God would hold a genetic occurrence against one or any of His children.

And so with this endorsement for tolerance, directly from Jesus Christ himself, I pray we can all go forth and except each other for who we are and what we bring to life and not exclude those that live a different lifestyle from our own.

I promise, there are homosexual Christians out there and I'm sure they don't appreciate being made to look like ignorant bigots.

And with the sheen of sweat upon my brow, I will step down from my digital soapbox and go forth and tolerate.  And I'm gonna try real hard to not peek in windows and stuff.

I Hate Flying

I never...I mean fucking never....have good luck when it comes to flying.  I'm always that guy that's got the delay or has to go to another gate or whatever the hell else you can think of.

I mean one time I had a delayed connection because the flight attendants that were supposed to be servicing the flight were late.  I mean seriously...the don't have some flight attendants on call?  I'm honestly not really sure what goes into setting up the complex schedule of a flight attendants and flights in general, but I realize that logically there should be a backup plan when shit goes wrong.

BTW...Waiting, is not a fucking back up plan.

So today I find myself with an hour and a half delay which will of course cause me to miss my connecting flight and so I have to wait in the line.  The line which is quickly beginning to resemble a lynch mob heading toward Frankenstein Castle.

But not me...I'm keeping my cool.  These ladies can't control the what's going on with the airline and so I keep the diatribe I have prepared, to myself.  

Side note: Just heard "...just sunk a clutch birdie." concerning the golf game on TV right now.  There is nothing fucking clutch about golf.  I mean maybe it was important for his game but the word "clutch" to me denotes some urgency and so far as I can tell golf is basically the least urgent game there is, with the possible exception of Battleship.

Anyway...enough of my golf hate.  Back to the airport...the abysmal airport.  So here I sit...stewing.  Knowing that I could have slept that much longer.  Knowing that I could have played with my dog that much longer.  Instead I'm stuck here alone with my laptop and a half decent, grease ball, cheese burger, listening to the rednecks next to me go on about some bimbo that lives across the street from them.

If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times I hate flying...and damn the government for forcing me to do it as frequently as I have to.

Bloggerstock: Do-overs

Today we've got the lovely Sara hijacking my blog via Bloggerstock.  Honestly, I don't know of a woman who or more fascinated with Vah-jay-jays, without being a lesbian.  Maybe Georgia O'Keefe...maybe (link provided for those less cultured individuals).  Anyway Sara's got a great sense of humor and she's definitely got this Howard Stern thing going for her...no not that "skinny creepy asshole" thing...the "what's she gonna say next" thing.  In any case...I highly recommend you all start stalking her, like I am...day and night.

In a bush outside her window....I'll kill that Andy guy to keep her for myself...kidding kidding.  Mostly.

Here's Sara's post, if you like it, if you don't, check here out at Sara Swears A Lot.  You can also check out my post over at Slightly Disappointing.

Enjoy.

I've done Bloggerstock once before and was fucked in the ass by my swap buddies who decided not to participate, but this year I have two awesome people who are down for Saratown, ifyagetwhatimsayin. So what's Bloggerstock? Since Bret has made me explain it to THREE ZILLION EFFING PEOPLE, I'm going to let the website explain itself. Clickity click hiz-ere (www.bloggerstock.net) if you want to participate next month. (And you should because I'll be doing it, and it's funsies all around.) Also, if you want to check out Kelly Marie's post, she's on my blog today. And if you like what you see here (bowchicawowow), come visit me at Sara Swears a Lot!(www.saraswearsalot.blogspot.com)

This month's topic is Do-Over AKA anything we want that can possibly relate back to a Do-Over of some sort. There are so many ways I could go with this post. Wearing Doc Martins with my sweatsuit? Cutting my hair up to my ears when I already looked like a little boy with my fat face and lack of boobs? Asking my third grade teacher if they had cars when she was a little girl? (What? The bitch was old as shit. She looked like the fucking crypt keeper, all right?)

So with so many options, what did I finally settle on?

I decided to go all out, balls out and tell a story that I said I would never tell on my blog. But I think now it's fair game since this isn't my blog, right? Right. Moving forward...

As I've written before, Andy and I met at work. He still works there which explains why I can't write about this at my own place. When I first started working for this company, I knew that it was a family-owned business. I'd never worked in an office before, and I had no clue that family-owned businesses were either one of two things:  Really fucking awesome and fun to work for OR a miserable, shitty ass place where people get ahead based on their last name.

Guess which one it was?

So the person who owns the company is a man who is SO FUCKING OLD, he could rival my third grade teacher in a Tales From the Crypt host-lookalike-show. (I wasn't even allowed to watch that show for years. No wonder I keep referencing it.) His daughter "worked" there as well. And by worked, I mean she showed up at 11:00, had coffee and chatted until noon, went to lunch for an hour and a half to two hours, came back to the office for about an hour and then left for the day to "run errands". Every. Goddamn. Day.

Not only did I have to deal with his annoying ass daughter, I was also stuck dealing with his even more annoying ass granddaughter. (We'll call her Krystal.) She was doing a work program through her high school that let her go to school half a day and spend the other half at the office with us. Oh, joy!

She was also a very hard "worker" just like her mama. Also, they CONSTANTLY called each other "guh". No. I am not fucking kidding. It was like this:

"Hey, guh, do you want me to pick up a sandwich for you when I go on my 120-minute lunch?"

"No, guh, I don't eat because I'm a high school girl."

"Okay, see you when I get back, guh."

SERIOUSLY, Y'ALL.

I wanted to stab my motherfucking face every time I heard them say that word. They also liked using the phrase G.N.O. when they were going to the movies together. As in, Girl's Night Out? As in a Hannah Montana song?

For the love of all that is holy....

Suffice it to say, I HATED THOSE BITCHES WITH A FIERY PASSION.

So Krystal's "job" at work was pretty much nothing. Her teacher had to come by once to check on her and see what the office was like. The teacher told Krystal that she needed to be answering the phones because it was part of the program or something.

This bitch NEVER answered the phone. I was the administrative assistant so I answered the phone all day long. She was at work for two hours most days and refused to EVER pick up the goddamn phone. Even if I had to sprint across the office, dive over a filing cabinet, stop a speeding bullet with my hand, and perform the helicopter without a penis, that bitch would STILL. NOT. ANSWER. THE. GODDAMN. PHONE.

Or, my personal favorite, riiiiiight after I caught the bullet with my teeth, did a James Bond roll, and had my hand on the fucking receiver, she would pick up. Bitch.

There was one particular day when the madness started. I hated their entire family with a passion, and my protected twitter updates were there to prove it. The only person I worked with that could see my twitter was my best friend and boss at the time. (We'll call her Margie.) I think you can see where this is heading...

One day, Margie was out of the office which meant that I would have to take a 1:00 to 2:00 lunch to cover the phones from 12:00 to 1:00 when everyone else was gone. Andy was working that day for the first time in months (he was on night shift for a while), and I wanted to go to lunch with him since we never had the chance.

"Hey Krystal, do you have any plans for lunch?"

"Um, yeah, I think so."

"Oh, really? What are you doing?"
"Going to lunch with my mom."

"Okay, well, nevermind then."

Ten seconds later, Krystal's mom walks by my desk and I say, "Hey, so where are you and Krystal going for lunch?" She looked confused and said, "Oh, we aren't going to lunch together today. I have some errands to run."

YOU FUCKING BITCH.

The little whore lied to me! Because she KNEW I wanted to go to lunch with my boyfriend! And she always tried to flirt with him to make me jealous even though she was the size of a toothpick and seriously, sweetie? My man likes WOMEN, not little girls, but whatevs.

So I kind of pulled an immature move at that point because I was furious. I went to myspace and wrote something along the lines of....

"Little girls who don't do any work need to go home and stop annoying everyone else."

Perfect, no?

I deleted it less than two hours later because I realized how stupid it was and moved on.

The next morning, Krystal's mom walks by my desk and throws a piece of paper at me. It's a printout of my myspace status. Apparently the little bitch had to run tattle to her mommy on the mean girl at work. *sniffle*

She said, "If you aren't happy here, maybe you should leave."

SHIT. WENT. DOWN.

I didn't go to work the following day because I decided it would be smart to fill out applications since I had a pretty good feeling I was going to be fired for a stupid myspace status that didn't even mention any names.

Now do you remember me mentioning my protected twitter updates? Which means nobody could see my tweets unless I approved them. Well, my dear friend Margie decided to pull it up, print it out, and give it to Satan's mother. Some of my favorite tweets said the following:

The woman I HATE at work just cut part of my pencil skirt saying that's how it's supposed to look. BITCH.

This little bitch at work is about to get some serious hate staring from me.

Miley Cyrus-wannabe Cunt thinks she's cute flirting with my boyfriend. Sorry, Cuntface, but he's fucking ME, not you.

As you can see, I like to keep it classy.

So after all that, I came in the following day and was fired by the old man who owns the place even though he had no clue what was going on because he was like 3,000 years old. Which ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me.

So if I could do it all over, what would I do differently?

....

....

....

I would have called her a cunt to her face.

Now for something completely different (3WW)

The last couple of weeks I've written my 3WW on some political figure or the other and frankly I'm tired of it.  Ok...not really, but I feel like I need to change it up every now and again to keep things fresh. And maybe...just maybe even get the chance about something fun instead of something frustrating.

So let's dig right in with my video game addiction.

I'm pretty fuckin' stoked about the new DC Universe Online.  I mean when I first watched the trailer for this shiney new flavor of MMO, I could feel the imminent nerdgasim building in my nether regions.  Oh yes...a nerdgasim all up on my TV.  That might have been a little bit too much information.

I kind of feel like I'm channeling my new friend over at Sarawearsalot.  But on the bright side...I'm not talking about vagina's.  I think I'll leave that to her as I am most assuredly not an authority on the subject.  Being a married man and all.

Anyway back to the nerdgasim.  This game looks like some kind of wonderful amalgamation of a platformer and a traditional MMORPG.  On top of all this awesome...as a player you get to interact with major characters in the DC Universe.

That means Superman...FUCKING SUPERMAN.  Oh...and that scrub Batman too.  Enough said.

Another November release worth mentioning is Assassin's Creed Brotherhood.  I don't know how many of you out there played the Assassin's Creed games, but if you haven't you should definitely give them a try.  All around entertaining games.  I'd have to say skip the first one as they just didn't make it that well and it's down right boring at times, but get some Cliffs Notes on it and run to your nearest Game Stop and grab a copy of Assassin's Creed II.

In a word it's FUCKING AWESOME.

Probably the best game I've played on my PS3.  I actually beat it a month or two ago and I still pick it up from time to time to take on a contract killing or search for some treasure I missed.  There's nothing quite like walking up behind a couple of guards and stabbing them in the throat with your spring loaded wrist knives and then blending in with a group of hookers to get away.

The new Assassin's Creed looks like it will continue the awesome with a new multi-player feature that pits assassins against other assassins in races to a target as well as a Vs mode where each assassin is the target of the other.

Never underestimate the value of the opportunity to assassinate your friends, your family, and even your significant other....Better watch your back dear.  I promise I won't tamper with your controller to make it more difficult for you to play....I swear.

I'm a good husband...and I do not pursue my wife relentlessly through make believe electronic worlds seeking only the taste of her blood.  Really...

So come November I may become a little scarce as I attempt to engulf myself in these cool new games.  And maybe...just maybe try to assassinate the Translator without her knowing.

Monday Randomness

Well...I figured there wasn't any point in trying to fake a post this week.  I haven't gone on a jog in almost 3 weeks now and I'm feeling pretty guilty about it, not guilty enough to do it mind you...but pretty fucking guilty.

Anyway I thought I'd throw a song out at you guys.  I usually wouldn't be caught dead listening to R&B these days, but I have to admit, I have a lot of respect for Cee Lo Green.  This is just a great song and the man's got a voice.  I think the lyrics really hit home too

In other news...The Translator is sponsoring a blog-fest, ring, orgy, thing.  It's for those of us who are shy a few hundred followers...I think the PC term is follower challenged.  Check out her blog for more information. I know I'll be joining and all comers (that have fewer then 150 followers) are welcome.  Tell your friends, tell your family....seriously, I'll find you, tell them!

I'm going to make an effort to get back on track for next Monday.  And who knows...maybe for the first time I'll have someone do it with me.

Lets talk about boobs!

As you may or may not know I am a huge fan of the breasts...I love 'em!!  Without question they are my favorite part of the female form.

If breast cancer kills 50,000 women in a year, that comes to 100,000 breasts!!  100,000 fewer breasts in the world.  It's a horrifying thought.  And as such, I hate breast cancer.

That's right...I'm taking  a stand here and now and saying it loud and proud.

FUCK YOU BREAST CANCER.

Seriously though, breast cancer is a devastating decease that affects and/or kills literally hundreds of thousands of women every year.  Even if a patient is lucky enough to survive through early detection and surgery, their lives are altered irrevocably.  Other parts of cancer treatments will effect the lives of these women right down to their most basic functions in their daily lives.  For instance,  chemotherapy can cause extreme sensitivity to hot and cold, making if difficult to even have a cold glass of water.

Earlier this year we lost my mother in-law to cancer.  Granted not breast cancer, but I know what these treatments look like and I know how they can take a toll, not just on the patient but on the family as well.  Please support my friend Prathibha Shankar as she attempts to make a difference and participates in a 60 mile, 3 day, walk for the cure, sponsored by the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

Every cent counts, if you can't give a lot, give a little.  Help Prathibha make a difference.

Christine O'Donnell...worthy of electing? (3WW)

Honestly I don't really think so, I find her general opinions to be far too extremist for my personal tastes.  The woman has managed to take advantage of this whole Sarah Palin hoopla and has emerged from the shroud of obscurity with a surprising gait.  However, I will not begrudge the woman some financial woes and certainly I don't have any issue with her dabbling in "witchcraft" as a kid.

Lets start with her financial woes.  It is alleged that she had some issues with paying the bills when it came to school.  In fact, well maybe not fact I'm not sure, but apparently they even withheld her degree until she was able to pay off the debt she owed them.

Now if you've gone to college and your mommy and daddy didn't pay for it, you'll already know that this is par for the course.  My question to you the audience is do we judge a persons ability to lead based on a relatively short time in her life when we're all having money troubles and we're all trying to adjust to a new phase of our lives?  I should hope not, otherwise we might need to go back and reevaluate our own ability to lead our families.

Ok...so lets talk about "witchcraft" for a second.

Generally speaking I grew up with a Catholic background and as anyone will tell you, as a catholic youth if you don't start doing drugs you probably have messed with a Ouija board.  Is this technically witchcraft?  Yep.  Do any of us really take this stupid, childish, bullshit seriously?  Of course not...unless you're fucking ripened retard and think you're some kind of greater being, but that is a whole other issue.

If we didn't take the use of a simple Ouija board seriously as teenagers when we were all doing it, than why should we now?

Even if this woman was a full fledged Wiccen would it affect her ability to lead?  Probably not (granted I don't know a hell of a lot about Wicca as a belief system).

Anyway what I'm trying to say is...FUCK YOU mass media.  People of both sides of the fence are slinging mud at this woman and it's simply ridiculous.  If you're going to call her out on something why not her stance on masturbation?

Just as an aside here...how can you remain abstinent and NOT masturbate?  Seriously?  People got needs.

Or perhaps the allegation that she's falsified where she went to college in the past?  Shouldn't this be a much more worrisome issue?  Certainly more worrisome then a poor college student who can't pay their bills.

Lets not cave into the media on this one people.  If we're going to object to Ms. O'Donnell, lets do it on a valid basis and not some allegations that are, whether they're true or not, bullshit to the core.  Lets nudge the process in the right direction.  Judge with your brain and not with your...ya know I don't know what else you could logically judge with, but seriously lets think about this before we start flaming.