Thursday, June 24, 2010

Vampires that sparkle? Really?

What happened to the sinister murderers that lurk in the shadows of dark alleys and parks, waiting for their next unsuspecting victim?

Since when do vampires sparkle?

Since when do vampires go to high school?

Since when do vampires go out in the FUCKING SUN???

I won't blame is all on Twilight, even if the vast majority of the blame will be assigned thusly.  I think the credit for starting this slippery slope of vampire degradation, falls squarely on the shoulders of Anne Rice.

Now I know what you hardcore LaStat fans are going to say...yes I fully admit that LaStat was extremely sinister and 10 times out of 10 he would totally kick Edward's ass, but lets look at Louie for a second.

Louie is basically as emo as Edward will ever pretend to be, albeit a LOT more likable, but he was the gateway for the touchy feely vampires that we're bombarded with today.  Like a little joint that opens our eyes to the possibility of cocaine, Louie opened us up to the idea that vampires can have feelings too.

But let me say cocaine, emotionally distraught vampires may seem like a good idea at the time, but they're ultimately going to leave you quivering in a puddle of your own excrement, wondering when you'll get another fix.  Cause Edward is so dreamy...go Team Edward!!

Agh...I think I just vomited in my mouth a little.


Mei said...

One would think that if a being has been alive for 100+ years they would figure some stuff out and stop being so damn angsty, as opposed to being permanent moody teenagers. And, if I ever met a guy who sparkled in the sunlight... I have a feeling that would be a major turnoff.

The Bear Monk said...

The Translator and I have come up with a new theory. As Edward was turned into a vampire at the age of 17 and his mind was still not fully developed, he's doomed to live forever as an idiotic teenager with an under developed brain.

The Analyst said...

Days when vampires lurk in dark are long gone now aren't they. I sincerely hope Buffy comes and saves us all from the Twilight era.

P.S Strangely my last post was also on sparkly vampires of the Twilight Series, check it out if you can.

Witless Exposition said...

Mwah ha ha haaaaa. Passing another blog award your way!