Ding Dong the Witch is Dead....

Which old witch?  The terrorist Witch!!

That's right folks, you heard it here first...ok maybe more like 47th...Osama bin Laden is one dead motherfucker.  The whole thing does kind of spin a few questions in my head though.

Based on where they found/killed him (in a compound located in a city near the capital of Pakistan), it seems clear (or at least a fairly safe assumption) that the Pakistan government knew where he was.  I may be out of the loop on this one, but I was pretty sure they were our allies.  So based on those assumptions, why did they not tell us?  Will this throw us into a new war in Pakistan?  Is a war of retribution the right thing for us to do?

Honestly with us battling on so many fronts, I kind of hope that we just take our bin Laden victory and come home.

Secondly, is better that we killed him, effectively making him a martyr for his movement?  Would it not have been better to let him die of natural causes, to avoid that idolatry?  I can definitely see the merit in morale alone in killing him, but is that the most important thing to think about in the long run?

Finally, does the end of the man hunt mean that we can finally bring our men and women home from Afghanistan?  I'm probably pretty out of the loop on this one too, but I was pretty sure the whole reason we were over there was to look for bin Laden.  I'm aware that other things have happened in that time and likely we'll have a military presence in Afghanistan for a long time to come, but with bin Laden dead shouldn't we be able to bring home the vast majority of our troops?

A lot of questions today...

On a more humorous note...on NPR this morning I heard a somewhat funny interview.  The interviewee was a man of Islamic/Muslim (I'll not try to lie here...I'm not 100% sure of the difference) credence and he was talking about how happy the greater Muslim and Islamic communities are that bin Laden has finally been brought down.  I guess its universally true that, we all want that asshole that makes the rest of us look bad to get shot in the face.

Keeping with that chain of thought I'd like to send out a big Fuck You to those ever present assholes over at Westboro Baptist Church.  Way to fuck it up for the rest of us...

Assholes!

Dating, Stalking...What's the difference?

I've been married a long time.  A really long time statistically speaking.  And I married young.  Against all odds and defying all statistics I'm happy.  So based on my limited experience I'm now going to attempt to write a post about something I've done very little of and what little I've done I'm sure was fairly pathetic.

But Bear, you say, why the fuck would we listen to an old married man such as yourself?  

Because the reason I'm still happily married, the reason the Wife is still happily married, is because over the years I've realized that a relationship requires work.  

A lot of that work takes the form of date like situations.

No really...imagine going to dinner with someone that you've known for years and that you talk to a majority of the day and still come up with something to talk about that's not related to something stressful like work or bills.  It hard.

It's really fucking hard.

So when I hear about some singles having dating woes I have a very difficult time taking those woes seriously. 

I'll admit this post if mostly inspired by Lilly over at A Pre-Life Crisis.  She's a pretty fun blogger.  I really enjoy to read the point of view she has concerning dating, mostly because she's a girl.

Lilly's been having issues with men of late...most of them have been just plain old dick holes to her.

As with marriage dating is work too.  Maybe equating dating to work isn't really the best way to put it, but damn it work is all I know these days.

Now Lilly's major issue up to this point has been that she apparently attracts a bunch of lazy assholes who can only be bothered to pursue a relationship with her when/if their schedule allows.  Does that about cover it Lilly?

In my experience, when a man really wants something, be it a girl or a job or a PB& J sammich, he's a pretty focused force.

Most men I know, granted mostly hairy ugly ass nerds, are very task oriented creatures.  They like a girl and they call her, or text her, or IM her, or show up to her house like a crazy stalker.

Ok maybe not that stalker bit...but it's usually pretty damn clear to everyone involved that their interested.  I'd wager that, if the Wife was asked, she'd pretty much be able to say yes or no to my general interest in her right from the get go.

We're single minded creatures ladies...we're not prone to the games...at least not the ones of us that are worth bothering with.  So ask yourself...is your current man friend calling you every day?  Texting you random shit that is basically meaningless fairly regularly?

I know for me, during our courting period I'd have done just about anything to be around the Wife.  Just to feel connected to her via phone or internet or what have you, was enough for me when I couldn't be physically next to her.

Maybe I'm the exception...but a good relationship comes with a certain level of dedication on the man's part.  If you think he's playing games with you, you're probably wrong.  Again, we're fairly simple creatures.  We just want to feel close to you (if we're actually into you).

Lets take a couple of examples from Lilly's recent past.

The Lawyer...clearly this guy wasn't serious.  The first sign being that he lived in an entirely separate city.

I won't say that long distant relationships are impossible...but with no prior relationship to lean on...they simply are impossible.  How can one expect to build a relationship with a person they can never see and really don't know anything about on a day to day type basis?  Weekends are all good, but what's he like on a Tuesday?  You'll never know till you leave near him and can see him on a regular basis on Tuesday.

HS Boy...I'll be honest.  I thought Lilly may have really found something here.  He seemed appropriately single minded in his pursuit of her.  Some ridiculous mistakes were made and than the bombshell of a lie.  That's right folks...excluding the truth is equivalent to lying.  Who knows...maybe he was confused as to what priorities he wanted in life.

Anyway...I think I've rambled enough.  As the Wife would say I've shown my big brother colors quite enough.

Lilly, I think you're on the right track having read your last post.  If he's not constantly trying to communicate, than it's likely you've got another scrub on your hands.  May I recommend a slightly less attractive nerdy guy? We generally make gobs of money and we're a highly dedicated bunch.

Comic Book Meet MMO

So I know it's been a long ass time since I've posted and that's largely because my responsibilities at work have increased (of course my pay has not) and frankly I've been too busy with life in general to find the time to write about.

Today I find myself with a free moment and as such I figured I'd fill you folks in on what is I've been doing with my limited spare time instead of attempting to entertain you all.

DC Universe Online.

All I can say about this game is...HOLY SHIT AWESOMESAUCE.  Ok...that's not all I'll say, but it is a pretty bad ass game.

As most of you are probably aware I've been playing World of Warcraft for a really long as time.  Like really...a long long long ass time.

Like 5 damn years.

Other then my wife...I've never had a relationship that lasted that long.  That actually makes me feel like a fucking loser.  Oh well...

Anyway...new game...super awesome.

So far I've got to say I'm really enjoying the play style of the game.  It's much more dynamic and engaging then I ever found WoW.

First of all there's no such thing as auto attack...that's right its very button mashy.  Imagine if you will...God of War meets DC comics and slap a little MMORPG in there for good measure.  That's my best attempt at describing the game.

So basically the dynamic is that you have weapons...there's a variety of them and you can pick whichever you want...and you basically whack the shit out of villains (or heroes) and you basically try to do Combo's.  The higher your combo counter goes the more Power you get back.  You use Power on your Special Powers.  There are 6 types of powers.  Each set of powers has 2 specializations both of which offer both DPS and other (tank, healer, controller) benefits.

That's right folks...everyone can DPS.

Even healers.

In fact its basically mandatory...in order for a healer to continue healing they need to get their power back via hit combos...like I said...Bad Ass.

I've really enjoyed the game so far...I'm up to level 21 and I've had a consistently awesome time playing.

Most of the questing is similar to what you'd find in most other MMO's...go here and kill X number of guys or collect X number of objects etc, but with the button mashy nature of the game it's still really engaging.  Not to mention the fact that you're fighting NPC's that can actually kick your ass.

One thing I find is that there is a definitive tendency for the mobs to swarm you and crush you.  But it doesn't feel like such a huge deal to die.  Really it just feels like you need to approach that pull in a different way or formulate a better strategy.  Like pulling them off to the side.

Another thing I like is that it's a lot more 1 player friendly then a lot of MMO's out there.  There are even single player dungeons or instances.  These single player instances are later amped up a little to be a challenge for 2 players at the level cap and they're called duo's.

So in fact you can still do dungeon crawls with your friends if you want in groups of 2, 4, or 8.  8 being a raid.  I know this is really WoWish with the 4 and 8 player dungeons, however DCUO has actually implemented a queuing system that works.

I'm also really fond of the idea of a 2 player dungeon.  Especially since my dear wife is playing along with me.

Well folks...it's quiting time here and I'm heading home to play some more DCUO.  If you're interested you can look me up in DCUO on Brave New World/Hero by the name of Azario.

The Urge

I haven't really felt the urge to blog these last few weeks.  I've decided to remain blissfully unaware of all things political since Christmas and frankly I've been in a much better mood for it.

The vast majority of my free time has been spent gaming this past month...probably another contributor to my generally pleasant mood.

Assassin's Creed Brotherhood, is fucking amazing.  There are no stunning upgrades to the single player campaign, with the exception of the new guild feature.  The game now allows you to recruit the oppressed people of Rome to your cause and induct them into the Assassin's Guild to train them up and send them out on contract killings and missions of intimidation and/or protection.  If you want to know what the Godfather felt like, this is probably going to be a highlight for you.

I also got Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II.  Also, a pretty badass game.  It's pretty much a hack and slash that has some super shiny effects.  I think the highlight so far has been the ability to play Jedi Mind Tricks on Stormtroopers and force them to either fight on your side or.....wonder over to the edge of that platform and jump the hell off.  That's right folks...you too can force a clone to commit suicide.

And then of course there's Cataclysm.  World of Warcraft's third expansion has completely changed the face of the game...literally.  Along with a lot of new features (Archeology, New Class/Race Combos, etc), the game has become a lot more fun to play outside of dungeons.  The new questing zones are really stunning looking and the story telling that takes place in those zones is wonderful.  So wonderful that I actually already got the Cataclysm Loremaster achievement on my Warlock and frankly I have no issue believing that I'll be doing the same on my Shaman.  For those of you who don't know what "loremaster" means...basically there are 5 new zones for levels 80-85 and I've finished every quest in every one of those zones.  Which is pretty retarded, but a shit load of fun.  I especially recommend the Mount Hyjal quests.  They're really a lot of fun, especially if you've been playing Warcraft games since they were still coming out with the RTSs.

I've also recently put my hands on the Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Wii.  I know I know...I'm a bit late on the Wii boat, but now that I've got one I'm really loving it.  And Zelda is pretty badass.  I love that to attack you have to swing the Wii mote...it feels a lot more immersive and satisfying then it would if I was just smashing an A button.  I'm also really fund of the art direction they went with on this game.  It harkens back to the N64 Ocarina of Time.  While the Wii doesn't shine in the graphics department, it definitely fills its niche with lots of lower graphic alternatives that make it really easy to overlook the 480p.

That's all for now folks.  I promise I'll try and write something a little more irate and angsty in the next couple of weeks.  I'm sure that Sarah Palin will do something even more fucking stupid then her latest ridiculousness.

Girlie Night (3WW)

If you've read my blog before you're likely aware that I love the Alamo Drafthouse.  A great movie theater, they frequently play old school classis (this month its The Gremlins) while still keeping up with new movies and hosting late night viewings of those highly anticipated films, that we've all been waiting for all these years...Tron...

Last night was no different.

The Wife and I went to a screening of Love Actually.  Basically an utter sappy ass movie about several couples and how they fall in love, continue to love, or suffer in exquisite anguish due to unrequited love.  Did you guys like those big word?

All in all I have to say I actually really like this movie.  It's really funny where it should be and heart warming and not super heavy with the general sense of hopelessness you get while watching a romantic movie.

That's right I said hopelessness.

To me, it seems that most romantic movies are fairly unrealistic when it comes to how people get together/stay together.  I know, I know...it's a fucking movie, but it still seems silly.

So back the important bit...the Wife.  She loves this movie.  I mean she fucking loves it.  We watch it every Christmas (the movie is set around Christmas time) and usually when she's sick or just feeling down in general.  Now in my infinite wisdom (yes infinite dear...) I decided I'd buy some tickets early as the Drafthouse does tend to sell out for events such as this.

Again...last night was no different.

My plan was...get the tickets early (check), run late leaving the house (double check), eat dinner making us even later (triple check), arrive about 30 minutes early to find the movie sold out only to SAVE THE DAY and say "Good thing I got them last week!" followed by sex for the Monk.

Well almost everything went as expected...maybe not as planned, but certainly as expected.

As a consequence of leaving the house early the Wife got nervous about the show selling out and so she made the logical jump of insisting that we go buy our tickets before we ate dinner.  Damn it Wife.  Damn it all.  In the end she was so insistent and I couldn't come up with a decent enough excuse (I'm a terrible liar) to not go along with her plan, that I came clean and gave over the voucher for our pre-purchased tickets.

I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to save the day, but all's well that ends well I suppose.

In other news we've been dabbling in weight loss for the last few weeks.  If you'd like to check out our lean mean not so supportive crew head over to Blogging Blobs and be prepared for some mud slinging...or even poop, but that's only a sometimes thing.

Mr. Sprinkles (3WW)

As we're beginning to swing into the holiday spirit around our house, we've slowly but surely been putting up decorations and buying some new outdoor lights.  We're getting new outdoor lights because my dear retarded dog Einstein ate the last set we had outside.

That's right folks...the son of a bitch (literally in this case) ate the damn lights.

Bastard...(again, likely the case)

Anyway, the Wife (I've given up on the Translator thing...several readers have deemed her Wife instead) put up some new decorations outside, while I was reveling in the glory that is the new World of Warcraft expansion.  So around nightfall as a dutiful husband I was required to go see and applaud her effort.

While we were outside one of our neighbor's cats came up for a visit.  Though we've lived in this house for almost a year now this is the first time any of the neighborhood cats have come up to say Hai.

Let me tell you, I'm generally a dog person, but this is one cute mother fucking cat.  I mean he's got some series skills.  I reached down a little to pat him on the head a little (I love all animals after all...except hamsters, fuck hamsters) and he jumped up a little and petted his head against my hand.

Instantly I felt sorry for the little guy, like he doesn't get any loving at home, so he trolls the streets looking for a friendly pet.

So the petting continued as we were trying to make some plans for other outside decorations for the year.  I thought the little guy needed a name so I deemed him Mr. Sprinkles.

Now, I'm not one to judge...ok ok, that's bullshit.  Judging is what I do...

Anyway, I really don't love the idea of someone leaving their pet outside all the time.  Especially a cat who is totally capable of jumping the fence and escaping.  It seems pretty cruel to me, but than again any pet I've ever had has been like a member of the family.  Even the rodenty ones.

Back to the Wife...by this time she's practically rocking like she's autistic of some shit and chanting to herself that "We can't feed Mr. Sprinkles."  The crafty little sucker even tried to come in the house with us when we went in.

That would have been the mistake of the day for Mr. Sprinkles.  Would have made one entertaining ass children's books though.  Something like Mr. Sprinkles Meets the Playful Retard Dogs that Don't Understand the Concept of Weight Ratios.  Yeah I think that sounds about right.

They'd have crushed him within 20 minutes.  All from innocent playing mind you.  Einstein would be either trying to mount him/her (it just dawned on me that I didn't look and Mr. Sprinkles could just as easily be Ms.) or he'd be trying to find the squeaker inside.  Franklin would likely thing he/she was a rope toy and try and break his/her neck.  All in good fun mind you.  Isn't that what your dog does?

So I hope you find safety Mr/Ms. Sprinkles.  You're a cute little son of a bitch, I don't think you'll have too many issues.

And the Winner Is...

I'm not really sure how this happened, but Frito won with his entry of "Where the Wild Thing Are...in my pants". Totally hilarious and inappropriate.  I'll have that shirt up in the Cafe Press store along with several other entries that were very close.

Here's the full list of entries in the order that they were ranked:

1. Where the wild things are, in my pants
2. Where Men Find GLORY....In My Pants 
3. Raging Inferno ....In My Pants
4. An Inconvenient Truth ... in My Pants
5. Take Off Your Pants and Jacket..... In My Pants
6. Anxeity Phobias and Panic ... in My Pants
7. Rumpelstiltskin .....In My Pants.
8. My Father's Hands ... in My Pants
9. It, in my pants
10. The art of Unit Testing, in my pants

Sorry Ckrets...close, but no cigar.  

I'll let you guys tell me if we want to have a similar type of competition next year.  Thanks to those few that participated, I really appreciate the support.

Maybe next time I'll get off my fat ass and do some advertising.